Make it short and sweet: I hear what youre saying but I see it differently.. Guy Winch writes in Psychology Today that using the task at hand as the focus for redirection is simple, yet effective: For example, The printer jammed on you again? Our licensed therapists specialize in treating depression and can provide you with the personalized support and guidance you need to overcome your challenges. In this blog post, we have tried to answer the question of What to do when a friend is always depressed and complaining?. When youre annoyed, naturally the person you want to vent to is your friend. People can tell when sympathy is fake, and with complainers that can lead to an oh great, you think Im just whining attitude. In addition, we will also try to look at the symptoms and what it is like to have a friend who is always depressed and complaining. Prepaid vacation with family is arriving at a contentious time. If you say no and they start to freak out or get angry, try saying something like: I can see youre upset I cant do this for you. Allison, who just told you a story about James yelling at a small child who accidentally got in his way, went on to express her confusion at why you dont enjoy being around him. If you determine that the venting is becoming a problem for your friendship, below are 4 suggestions that can help you with your venting friend. What you can control, however, is how you handle them over time. TRENTON A woman is dead and her former boyfriend is charged with two separate crimes for assaulting her and then later returning to kill her, according to county officials. Deflection is a way for you to respond to them without shutting them down or telling them theyre wrong. I warned you ahead of time Id need to hang up. You ask her to talk about whats bothering her. Your girlfriend may always keep complaining because you're being unable to meet all her expectations. More importantly, does he ask if they are doing well? Take note of common themes Ultimately, someone elses work woes are likely to be out of your control (provided youre not their manager). Its one thing to be annoyed with your partner and another to be in an abusive relationship with them. A 32-year-old woman has been charged and arraigned with shooting and killing of her boyfriend at the Red Roof Inn motel in Warren. They havent had enough time to calm down yet. Validate their feelings. Q: I am set to fly off to a weeklong vacation with my boyfriend and his family. Here are some simple ways to deal with a negative person. And he likes to bring up how horrible his day was and how tomorrow is going to suck too. These all seem like real reasons to gossip, right? Let them know you understand and feel for them, then redirect to whatever boundary youve created (for instance, setting a time limit), If theyre asking for solutions, let them know you two can brainstorm together and then offer whatever help you can. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Around 10:19 p.m. Saturday, Trenton Police received a 911 call reporting gunshots fired at 301 Hills Place. Engage with your friend by using active listening techniques: Once you have come to a realization that your friend is going through something that cannot be solved only by talking to you, ask them if they are okay with professional help. Or he will ask while I'm at home and I tell him I'm playing with kitties, etc. WebHow do you respond when your friend complains about her boyfriend? Keep reminding yourself that putting your needs first is not selfish, its self-protective. If you are looking at how to help a friend who is always depressed and complaining, you are on the right page. Psychologists have seen that depression can be caused by a combination of biological, social, and psychological aspects. They arent usually looking for advice despite the fact that they want to share their problems all the time. This might look like not answering the phone or texting back during work, or before and after set hours, Set a time-based limit? In this blog post, we will try to answer the question of What to do when a friend is always depressed and complaining?. In their mind, the world is whats negative, and they only know one way to respond to it. 7. I try to kindly be honest with people because sometimes honesty is what they need but I don't see how that makes me a bitch? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. My friend is always complaining about life, saying shes so depressed and hates her life and isnt happy, and feels suicidal sometimes. He uses a fictional woman named Cathy for his example: Tell her you like her, you want to support her, and that what you are about to share is because you care about her. You can validate someones feelings without agreeing with them, and still hold a boundary around any crappy behavior. friend complains Just listen, nod, and show that youre validating their issues. A 32-year-old woman has been charged and arraigned with shooting and killing of her boyfriend at the Red Roof Inn motel in Warren. The internet pounced on Keke Palmer's boyfriend, Darius Jackson, after he recently criticized the way she dressed. Do not worry, you are not the only one. 1:11. #1 They Don't Make Time Spending time with each other is a crucial aspect of marriage. ask them how they intend to fix their problem. to Respond to a Partners Venting Doing so could lead to them finding other things to complain about in order to convince you things really are as bad as theyre saying. Your Friend Keeps Complaining About Their Spouse You try to help. You try to offer your hand and lend support. Suspend all judgments, save all interjections, do nothing more than make excellent eye contact, and open your ears. Do the same issues get talked about all the time or are they making changes? If you feel guilty or stuck because of a sense of obligation or fear of how they might react, get in touch with your reasons for wanting to cut them off in the first place. We are a welcoming subreddit and support the rights of all genders. No type of complaining is the answer to complaining. Saunders is the 19th homicide victim in Trenton for 2023, the first for July, but following six murders for the month of June. Our date turned out wonderfulhe was funny, successful, hot, blah blah blahthe perfect guy. F: Well for one, I've personally never heard one thing about him. What Do I Do If My Partner is Constantly Complaining? It doesnt mean brushing them off or being rude, it means encouraging them to take it up with that person directly. In reality, many chronic complainers may not even know they complain so much or have a reputation for incessant negativity. and our Telling your friend you actually care about them as they keep on working through depression can help. When you yell at me, I dont feel respected.. "You keep saying some version of this, yet you haven't taken what seems like the obvious next step and broken up with him. One can do nothing but listen. This can be extremely annoying, but if you can recognize it, its easy to keep from wearing yourself out looking for options. Those who are seeking therapy online may also be interested in BetterHelp. You're so busy complaining about things that you're missing how lucky you are. This is called triangulating. But when the complaining is constant, it becomes unproductive and can put Boyfriend constantly negative. Finally told him They allow us to bring our whole selves to our relationships. You try to tell her its okay, that whatever is going on in her life will work out. Was I harsh? After all, whats a true friend if you cant be honest with each other? If they're constantly complaining about the same person or situation, redirect them to take action with that person to remove yourself from the triangle. It seems unfair.. Unfortunately, my boyfriend seems to wallow about every little thing. They may even mean welltrying to alert others to potential hardships. I really dont get what your deal is, said Allison. However she reacts is on her. And just sleeps all day and plays video games, he also doesn't help her out with cleaning the apartment or anything. Cubs: David Ross Destroyed Umps in Postgame Interview and MLB I vent about my problems to seek help. If its more than half the time youre together or the sensitive details make you deeply uncomfortable, thats too much. Scan this QR code to download the app now. As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Does Size Matter?: Encounters with a Less-Endowed Dont give up on the things you enjoy. Your friends. Friend who complains about boyfriend keeps seeing him Q: What to do about a good friend who constantly complains about her boyfriend and won't make the obvious choice? India downplays SCO Summit but Putin and Xi may not be Manage Settings They may not have a negative outlook on life at all, but they still want you to know that nothing is ever quite good enough. Friend Instead, nod your head and say things like, I hear you, or, That must be really tough. In most cases, complainers wear themselves out in five minutes or less, unless youre stupid enough to add fuel to the fire by suggesting a solution. But when the complaining is constant, it becomes unproductive and can put strain on the friendship, too. This Affluent White Guy Says America Has Survived Worse, I LIVED IT: I Tried on a Mood Ring and It Screamed and Screamed and Screamed, Boyfriend Crosses Out Plus Rent Is Insane From Proposal Speech. WebAdhideb Ghosh. Focus on what she wants, not necessarily the boyfriend. Part of being in a relationship is being annoyed with your partner sometimes. Heres three things to consider. Many of us have to deal with these people every day, unfortunately. With depression, everyday errands can feel overpowering. At the same time, joining in and complaining along with them isnt as helpful as it would seem. No Hard Feelings: Jennifer Lawrence balances raunchy humor With old friends, its so common for everyone to catch up and then dish the dirt on their romantic lives. Remind them that your friendship belongs to the two of you, and she should talk to her partner about their issues. Girlfriend Related: How To Calm Down When Youre Anxious. Are you tired of hearing about the same people and situations? Because validation is the key to shutting down a complainer initially, you need to show that you care about what theyre saying. Suspend all judgments, save all interjections, do nothing more than make excellent eye contact, and open your ears. Reserve outfielder hits 2-out, 2-run HR in 9th to give Phillies 13th straight road win, McCaffery: In Kevin McGonigle, Phillies could face a tough high school exam, Listen to a pair of new, previously unheard Prince songs, Video shows Britney Spears hit herself in the face during Victor Wembanyama encounter; security guard will not be charged: police, Unfriendly political environment: convention cancellations blame Florida as reason for exodus, Colorado is drought-free for the first time since 2019, Dead seal with shark bites found on South Shore beach, sharks having a feast off Nantucket, Do Not Sell/Share My Personal Information. Initiate the talk with them. Boyfriend BetterHelp offers plenty of formats of therapy, ranging from live chats, live audio sessions and live video sessions. If your friend starts venting about something, do you notice an impulse to jump in with solutions? Most of the time, validation and sympathy are enough to soothe any chronic complainer, but there are still some things you can do for the really tough cases. Its important that youre getting your own emotional support. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Carolyn: (1) You can cancel; you'll just have to pay back any part of it his family paid for you; (2) You can leave early if you're miserable. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. It's a hard day". I cant talk to you while youre yelling. Do you think I was too harsh? The chronic complainers are the only ones that have that power. Our mutual friend agrees with me but shes too afraid to say anything. Guy Winch, Ph.D. at Psychology Todayexplains the difference perfectly: Chronic complainers see: A glass that is slightly chipped holding water that isnt cold enough, probably because its tap water when I asked for bottled water and wait, theres a smudge on the rim, too, which means the glass wasnt cleaned properly and now Ill probably end up with some kind of virus. Hell hath no fury like Keke fans scorned. Archived post. Here are some ways to save some of your sanity and patience down the road. So, I'm constantly trying to better myself for a happier, healthier, me. It brings me down. However, when your friend begins telling you only the negative aspects of their partner, it inevitably changes your perception of their spouse. Ultimately, you are not responsible for the happiness or well being of others. If that feels like the best course of action, let them know you need to take some time away from the friendship to focus on your needs. A 32-year-old woman has been charged and arraigned with shooting and killing of her boyfriend at the Red Roof Inn motel in Warren. Letting them vent a bit or helping them problem solve is supportive, but endless calls or requests is enabling and is a recipe for resentment. Essentially, youre changing the subject of the conversation without making it obvious that you dont want to hear their problem for the millionth time. Your guilt is valuable information when youve messed up and need to make things right again. I always want to be there for him, because I'm not perfect either and I also have my off-days, but OFF-days are different from EVERYday. Shes constantly complains about him to you. Girlfriend ", That really sucks. Its important to consider the fact that you cant change somebodys behavior on your own. The victim was pronounced dead at the scene. Family members and friends often feel helpless, not knowing how to reach out or what to do to help their suffering loved ones. I hardly hear about positive things that happened in your day and it's sad to hear about. 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While its super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you Friend complains about boyfriend but doesn't leave If your friend talks about their depression, you might want to say things like, I understand, or Weve all been there. But if youve never dealt with depression yourself, this can minimize their feelings. Friend Complaining About Boyfriend Doesnt Clearly not affected by her boyfriends tantrum, Keke Palmer posted her full outfit details to Instagram soon after. Chronic complainers are not inherently bad people by any means, but they do need guidance. You dont owe them a long explanation or anything more than that. How to React (Step by Step) When Your Friend Vents About Her Friend complains about boyfriend but doesn It takes them an hour and a half of talking about me, myself, and I to finally ask how you are. If you worry your friend is in an abusive or toxic relationship, then its important to get more involved. Maybe you're not giving her enough attention and validation, Note: If cutting them off completely isnt doable or realistic right now, find ways to reduce one-to-one contact with them and focus on relationships that feel more mutually respectful. Why is that, do you think?" Sadness usually passes fairly quickly, while depression can linger and affect mood, relationships, work, school, and all other aspects of life for months or even years. Now that you know about the things to be done if your friend is always depressed and complaining, you should also know what they are feeling like. Franklin County jury hung in Akron woman's trial for boyfriend's death Anyone with information is asked to contact MCHTF Detective Karl Johnston at (609) 989-6406 or Sgt. Work was shit and tomorrow will be too, F: Keep your head up, babe. It can be hard not to when somebody is really bad, but at a certain point you become a complainer yourself. There are risks of agreeing with her. Friend is always depressed and complaining (9 things to do?) Taking care of a depressed friend is not easy. Domestic violence infiltrates the very fabric of our society, shattering lives and leaving irreversible scars, said Macomb County Prosecutor Peter J. Lucido. A partners advice or help doesnt usually fit the bill. In any case, having to be a positive, strong presence in your friends life may have a significant effect on them, regardless of whether they cant communicate that to you right now. The internet pounced on Keke Palmer's boyfriend, Darius Jackson, after he recently criticized the way she dressed. My friend complains about her boyfriend constantly but After spending some time with a chronic complainer, you probably feel like complaining about that person (and rightfully so) but are perhaps afraid to even do so out of fear that you would put someone else through what that person made you endure. Or some people also keep complaining just due to their behavioral nature. This can look like a parent complaining about DEAR SAD: There is nothing you can do. My friends and my boyfriend don't get along very well, and I think the things they don't like about him are things I don't mind but sometimes I doubt myself because generally they know me pretty well, and I wonder if they're seeing incompatibilities that I don't. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. If they keep coming up with excuses about why they're not taking action or saying they cant and just want to vent, redirect the focus of the conversation towards healthier coping strategies: "That makes sense. Are there places in your life you need to firm up some boundaries? Devin Scillian hosts Local 4's weekly community hot topic program, streaming right now on Local 4+. Use tab to navigate through the menu items. Dear Abby: My boyfriend won't have sex with me because he feels it The most powerful gift you have as a friend is an art of listening. Try to talk them into seeing a therapist. I feel like you take things for granted. You might say, That sounds really difficult. This can look like a parent complaining about the other parent to their kid, a co-worker complaining about your shared boss, or your friend complaining about a mutual friend. The truth is, chronic complainers are a whole different breed. All rights reserved. Ask them what is going on in their minds. The pricing of BetterHelp is also pretty cost-effective, especially considering the fact that the platform offers financial aid to most users. BetterHelp also offers couples therapy and therapy for teenagers in its platform. Sometimes when youre feeling annoyed, you just vent without hearing what youre saying. Depression goes beyond simply feeling sad or low. This will help in increasing your patience and tolerance. Let your friend know you are there for them. Geoffrey James at Inc. breaks it down into a simple display everyone is capable of: Even if the complaints seem ridiculous and pointless, do not roll your eyes, fidget, or check your email. Has your negative friend ever tried to pull your into their drama? What are you going to say/do about it?" Furthermore, group sessions can also be found in this platform, covering more than twenty different topics related to mental health and mental illness. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should love and respect you for who you are, not for how similar or different you are to their ex.