When you feel jealous- you feel you are a bad person for feeling jealous. But let him have his own life. No one thinks they are going to become an alcoholic. I never expected much because I knew the type of person I was dating. I agree with your statement. RESULT: More stress. He wants to relax and drink a beer, would you be able to relax with someone right there nagging you cause they feel a sober house is the only way to go? Granted drinking excessively is more acceptable in your 20s but if hes still doing this in his 30s he MIGHT settle down if hes forced to with a wife and kids or he MIGHT not. Hell deserve it. . 1. But if it concerns you and the future you want with him, you have every right to bring it up. He says he is going out for a couple of beers but he leaves home at 6 PM and returns home only around 3 AM. I am one of those guys who doesn't drink often so when I do I also end up on a couch somewhere but I have good friends who protect me .won't let me drive etc.. And second you need to accept the person and stop trying to change them.Ok so you have no children, not married, and he spends time with you (enough that you are not complaining about it), and the only issue is he drinks. My husband is on a so-called "happiness journey" to find the things he ultimately wants to do with his life. But in reality, that stuff isnt just happening. As long as he doesn't get home drunken or high, that is quite innocent, in my opinion. He aint changing especially if you arent there. I run the house, I care for our child who has multiple problems, one of them being oxygen dependant. He continues to say that, because a girlfriend may make more emotional requests of him, men feel like they can be themselves more around their male friends. You know how he gets. A few slurred hey baby I'm OKs are not too much to ask. It doesnt have to be a bar or anything, maybe a shopping trip, out to eat, an art museum, an observatory, a play, comedy club, movie, etc. Stick to your guns, make sure you have your priorities straight, but be willing to listen to how he wants to raise his children too. No matter how much he is there when hes with her. Most nights he takes me with him so I can have fun too. She is going to a club with her girlfriends who are in committed relationships or married. So in case you needed any additional explanation as to why you should give your man access to the peerless male-only event known as a "man date," take a look at the reasons below. JAREK: Im going to assume you are more concerned about his actions rather than his drinking. Quiz: Which Of Rory's Boyfriends On Gilmore Girls Is Your Dream Bae? Exactly. Also, we study on the same city, however on the weekends we both leave to our local city to see our parents, so he has his friends here and ive got mine here (i only got one friend because last year i lost them all because they were very toxic friends and one of them rrally affected my self esteem, so now i only got my friend that ive known since birth but sometimes i still feel a bit lonely) so we cant really go out together on the weekends thats why he never takes me with him. But if your out. For those who say this man may not be problem drinker, is drinking light beer, or may be spacing out his drinks the fact remains that the LW wrote in because his drinking is problematic and affecting their relationship negatively. If the career, health and/or legal ramifications he may face from drinking so much without a designated (I hope he at least has THAT when hes out drinking) dont get him to cut back, it sounds as if hes set in his drinking ways. So I asked him and he said the girl bit him. Fortunately, this is a prime area for compromise. Also i really dont think i would go out with all his male friends, i would be constantly worried about being judged by them. Then ask yourself if he really cares what you do. Pinning your hopes on him changing otherwise is sort of like spending your rent money on lottery tickets. You have to put trust into each other. Let's investigate some other potential signs he's cheating on you. - Quora. I was thinking about our future, and I was wondering.If we have kids, would you still going to go out 3-4x a week and drink with your buddies? All a guy'sfriend looks for in his buddy's girlfriend is that she doesn't totally steal his buddy away from him. It's not his style at all, I have been with him 10 years. If someone is drinking regularly and heavily like that in his or her 30s, Id conclude that it is either a lifestyle choice or an addiction. You wanna pay me 500 bucks an hour I can ask you as many questions as you feel like answering. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. Last night he got out, and i was expecting he would answer me telling me good night and that i would sleep well. Were in a long-distance relation My Long Distance Girlfriend won't video call with me. Does he go out every night with his friends or more than three times this week, if so, I would try to set boundaries with him. I don't ask many questions. That way the focus is back on you and your life instead of his. Of course, it's not what you hope in your case, but you should rule it out nonetheless - and the most effective way is with this tool. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. Events from the past and other relationships may have shaped these jealous feelings. The only real problem you have is the worry of him cheating. But now I dont go out (30 weeks pregnant) . His Take: "Will He Ever Quit Drinking So Much And Settle Down?" If he is out all night having "fun" and doing all this ****, hes not up to the challenge for being your boyfriend. Also, he doesnt really go out that much so i dont really mind, its not like hes out partying every day, he maybe goes out once a month or so. * If youd like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at we***@de*******.com with His Take in the subject line and Ill pass your question along to them. I feel we are being a little quick to write this guy off as an alcoholic who is never going to change. I love him but he doesn't seem to put any effort. A couple months ago he was in a partial inpatient program for mental health (IED, BPD, and PTSD) because I left him temporarily. It sounds like the LW already nagged him too much about drinking and therefore hes been driven out of the house any time he wants to enjoy a few beers. Mine does and when the boss(es) invites you out for drinks, you go. Yet, he holds down a demanding job. what do i do? Im 21 yrs so I feel you when you talk about the social-media-anxiety. 1. Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior Hiraman/E+/Getty Images Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. And I understood that too because I thought it was okay to be angry, but I still don't get angry with him when I'm mad. So me and my partner keep bashing heads every single week in disagreements. It can feel like persistent worry or fear. Is that the environment you want to raise your future children in? Learn About What to Expect's Pregnancy & Baby App. The same person might fall off their chair after a glass of wine. Your husband is in his 30s so hes most likely built up a tolerence for his alcohol consumption and if hes looking to get a slight buzz 1 beer isnt going to do it for him. That would be a bigger concern cause growing up I noticed the people who had the biggest problems with drinking were the kids of intolerant parents. Just from my perspective, thats a lot of drinking. But you probably will just end up worse off than before. If you dont or cant do that then it is time to MOA and find yourself a real relationship. Others see them as dirty tricks designed to make their partner doubt. Is it Okay to Let Your Girlfriend Go Clubbing? | The Modern Man He may be an alcoholic (likely) but the thing is they have different ideas of social time, different drinking habits,different interests etc. I agree with this COMPLETELY! No one can answer that because there is no way of telling. He worked a 12hr day no problem, his friends had no idea about his problem, his family wasnt aware for a very long time. OP, what if you go into labor and he is schmammered and cant drive you? 6 years of being neglected and verbally abused because hes had a stressful day at work and there is nothing wrong with having a few beers at a bar to unwind after a stressful day. He has a stressful day every fricken day of the week. He should take you out, not his friends all the time. For one, its cheaper and for two, it will make it easier to discuss settling down. Im not a social person. Wife regularly stays out overnight with male coworkers x. I know exactly how you feel. I saw nothing in the letter to imply that she prohibits drinking at home. What happens, is as women, we tend to put our boyfriends and relationship on a pedestal and I realize it and romanticize it. Everytime my boyfriend goes out i start feeling anxious, and a bit jealous. Helping others activates our endorphins, and makes us feel good about ourselves by helping people and animals. Dont date someone based on who you think they might become later, or who you think they want to be. (Im lookin at you Art & Dave), Please just call me Mr. I wouldnt be worried of someone thinking of me as a party pooper I would however be worried of people thinking me intolerent to a person I say I care about so much. I do, however, agree that regardless the money issue should certainly be one factor. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Date them based on who they are right now. 1. I see it in your writing, your boyfriend sees it, but only you have to see it, and it begins with becoming independent from your boyfriend, and learning to love yourself. You didnt answer me there. Four or five Bud Lites is not really fall-over drunk quantity, especially over the course of a few hours. The second time he disappointed me was when he got so angry at me because he had an argument with his friends. Wife regularly stays out overnight with male coworkers. Sometimes people feel the need to drink more when they are out at a bar. He stays out all night and turns the ringer off, pfffft. Do something with your own friends. How Do I Get a Commitment-Phobe to Commit?, She Told Me Shes Pregnant The Day before I Planned to Break Up With Her, My Sister Threw Our Parents A Surprise Party and Didnt Invite Me, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). I stayed up all night worried about him, pissed off at him, pissed off at myself for putting up with it, etc. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Talk to him, if he agrees to slow down, make sure he actually does it and that those are not just words. 1. Time to talk to your sweetie and see if hed be willing to have an alcohol assessment done. Sure, you could win. I think the LWs concerns about raising possible future kids with this guy is a valid concern. Personally, I'm A-OK with my girlfriend helping herself to some wine; all I ask is that she share. In reality, most long-term relationships involve some degree of infidelity. @Amber: We live in different worlds when that much to drink that often isnt excessive. Hes over 30 and consuming a minimum of a half case of beer per week, every week, and hes consuming it at a rate of 4-5 beers every time he goes out. I operate on the fact that it is a habitual and disrespectful ploy to hide a double lifestyle. My cousins, brother and I all drink and our parents are clueless as to why. Think about what your boyfriends choices mean. If you can contrive to keep yourself at sufficient emotional distance from your partner's verbal assault, you can listen to them at the same time you manage not to have their words puncture you . Every once in a while, is not big deal to me, but every single weekend, I would not like. This jealousy comes from my low self esteem which im trying to work on it. Granted we shouldn't keep people on a leash and there are a lot of things going on with a LDR but how can you truts someone like that? He CAN get by without drinking when he needs to (time with her, work). I also wrote off his drinking as a social outlet or a way to blow off steam after work. I am dealing with the same thing too. I vote you moa. Theres no way of even guessing if he is or isnt an addict based on the minimal amount of information in the letter. Men must physically meet with four friends, two times a week, in order to reap the benefits of male friendship. The latter provides a better platform from which to educate children on the subject. He will probably be a Republican and make you promise to obey him. Lets say your average bar charges $7 for a beer. Does Your Partner Have Rage Attacks? Here's What to Do Furthermore, how do you know hes stopping at 5 beers? Do bible study. I told myself that it was ok because we were young and eventually he would grow up. If it was only when he went out to have a bit of fun and didn't text through the evening, no problem. This is why I had to assume (in my reply) that she does not allow any drinking around her. I grew up in a household where alcohol was forbidden and a sin. Is it normal for my boyfriend to only come over at night? - Quora I tell it like it is. wants you to change (by dressing differently or ditching your friends) that. HomeForumsRelationshipsAnxiety when my boyfriend goes out. they go to a bar for trivia night and 25 cent wings. Its nice to see there are plenty of guys out there with a good grip on interpersonal dynamics. My boyfriend goes out all night and doesnt call or text me a By entering this site you declare That being said, I do absolutely believe that some people CAN change in life, I just had not picked one of them. However, i have never told him to not go out with his friends or things like that. science has actually determined this fact. Starting a family is a big responsibility that would likely be another instance in which he wouldnt be able to drink. I think you state it perfectly in your second paragraph. He was super considerate about it once I explained why. Anyway, moral of this story? January 9th, 2016 11:43pm. Is this common? If you are feeling like you need your partner a little more right now, just talk to him. As your girlfriend, shouldnt you be able to discuss those concerns with your boyfriend without worry of how he labels you? It is in your hands. 4 Reply. If his drinking was seriously affecting other parts of his life, I would think a) she would have brought it up or b) would have been able to approach him with it because her disapproval of his drinking would have more evidence for concern. we are both in our early 30s, living together for two years. not at 38 weeks pregnant but I'd probably be going and meeting him out as well tbh. help!!! Whether he is hooking up with another girl or not, I'd question why he would be drunk often. Could it change? Its obvious to me that the LW is not a drinker, because if she were she would realize that 4-5 beers for most men is not getting sloshed. It takes my boyfriend 5-6 beers to even have a light buzz. I used to date a man who drank about the same yours does (sometimes more) although he did take me out drinking with him. The log was for me to report to my OB as it was a holiday weekend and nobody wouldve been around in case of emergency. I just got off the phone with the lady who owns the company, or who makes the blankets. Coping can include strategies like following routines to make the. However communication alone isnt going to do the trick in this situation. It doesn't seem like he is sticking around for you. DENNIS: Yes, some men may settle down on their own. Ufulu Festival 2023 | 6th July 2023 - Facebook This was a good six months before I started dating my boyfriend, and how we eventually figured out we had feelings for each other. Me and my boyfriend have talked about how we felt several times that we trust eachother so much to the point where if i dont talk to him for three days and i know hes at some crazy parties, i wont feel so worried and we trust each other so much that we both openly said that we could kiss other people if we wanted because truly we both know it wouldnt be real and that we love each other. Do not make my mistake. The . If he has five and goes out four times a week, thats nearly $600 a month. good luck! I know this might still be far off, but someday, Id like to raise my kids in a sober household. When my boyfriend goes out of town for work he calls me - JustAnswer 1. Sorry if I am coming off as catty, but sometimes it just happens that way. We met online and rea Why does he text me all day about sweet things and stuff but never call? You should definitely talk to him about your expectations. The thing last time he said he wouldn't get drunk and he did. But they arent. I agree with Dave. he possibly has a minor drinking problem If thats not what you want, then you really need to evaluate your relationship with him and communicate to him about that. Ive seen my parents drinking habits and how it can gradually become a problem and 4-5 beers 3-4 nights a week does not make him an alcoholic. I do think my jealousy comes from my own insecurities because theyre all based on looks, which is my bigger concern. Well, in my case, I am afraid of talking to anybody about anything. And, why on earth would she expect a man who obviously likes to go out and obviously enjoys his beer to stay at home with her and have a sober household? Go out one night and iignore his calls till the next day and then just say oh sorry baby I was wicked drunk. It's about us. My ex has been drinking and going out every night of the weekend since we broke up a month ago. i talked to him today about it, and he just apologized and said that its he knows he;s ***** up. I asked exactly that question, but he said we can take a taxi I so agree with you that he should be sober now in my last weeks. However, the MRI scans showed that drinking coffee increased activity in parts of the brain involved in short-term memory, attention and focus, whereas ingesting caffeine on its own did not. DAVE: What jumped out at me was the fact that he goes out 3-4 nights a week without you! Dont be afraid of being a party pooper. You should never be ashamed or hesitant to express your feelings to someone you love. Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their. Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. - Tiny Buddha I talked to my boyfriend and he told me that he didnt answered me because he wasnt thinking about the phone and that he didnt even thought about the phone. I had a similar attitude except I was in my 20s. 5 drinks a night 3-4 times a week is a lot of alcohol to consume in a week. Im more likely to drink less when Im at home. I think its really inaccurate to just assume hell settle down on his own when you start a family. In your previous, recent thread on the same topic, I asked you: Do you remember when you first had the feeling or thinking that you are a bad person, as a child perhaps? Become your own person and start doing things outside your boyfriend.