What Is Good Parenting? While my dad is fine with my mom spending her money on investments or vacations, he wasnt when she took us to an expensive restaurant yesterday. But I will always still encourage them to talk with their mom, no matter what. Required fields are marked *. It is bewildering when a parents actions are not fostering a healthy dynamic the kids are told by specialists or Parent Coordinators that you have to be with them its the law, its your parent. comfortable is a common euphemism in my culture and social circle, and I now realize it has more different meanings, so Ill use words like well-off from now on. I listen to their concerns, never trying to make excuses for mom, but not dismissing their thoughts either. put-downs, insults . They show a disregard for the parents feelings and emotions and it does not bother them at all to do or say these horrible things about one of their parents. yuh, my feelings EXACTLY. DH will say something to his mom like I didnt call to hear you complain about Dad. in a calm casual tone. My mum tells me too many details about my abusive dad I remember when I invited her to my college graduation dinner she went into a tirade about how terrible he was and refused to attend (theyd been divorced for 15 years at that point). If you cheat, lie, and abandon your family, then what do you expect? I cry A LOT (in private) . Where in the world can they learn it except through the adults? and our When we have relationships with people, theyre usually ambivalent in the sense that there are some good points and some bad points, and thats normal. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Check out Ryanthomasspeaks on youtube. Mom told dad to stop complaining about everything and he hasn - Reddit If there was some shoddy behaviour on the part of either parent (eg if dad had had an affair) the kids would interpret it as a personal betrayal and theoffending parent would need to be a lot more compassionate, humble and patient if they were truly sincere about wanting a relationship. thanks and have a great day. Thats the reason few, if any, court decisions, EXCEPT the funding angle, makes sense. Its so painful to be treated like trash by your own child. Self awareness can be cultivated to know what they feel is correct and also to understand a parent still loves them although their parent is struggling now too. I am going to seem like an asshole, but if anyone has any advice or ways I can work around this, that would be great. What you say makes sense in many cases Im sure. Thats how that happens. My mom has a good job, has saved money on her own, they have lots of assets that if were sold, I believe she would be living fantastically. As much as I dislike the current state of our government system the courts are not dumb. I have witnessed all of these actions towards me and my family in the last 7 years. Basically the same complaints as before. Archived post. It pisses me off because for 7 years I lived alone in a studio apartment making crappy pay. I deserve some of it. A toxic mother might often use manipulation to get what she wants. Recently I was approached by a pleasant, articulate son looking for a room near him for his mother so that they could be close. How to stop the habit of complaining in your family - Aha! Parenting My mom is 63 now. If I separate you and your daughter and ask what you did yesterday, I expect nearly the same answer but worded differently with different perspectives. She has even told me how sorry she was for my upbringing how would she know about my upbringing??? ( 1) T thepinch Oct 2016 I am a landlady. I've started to ignore it and change the topic. She will often fish out information from me. Ill buy you two more on Sat. All of the symptoms are present but I am unable to prove anything yet. It's a psychological truism that "bad is stronger than good," meaning that negative. Wow. Why has my mother become so critical of others as she ages? Search Reddit, Inc. 2023. For the younger one, it is very sad. I pray you can rebuild a relationship with your kids. Spread of animosity. WHen she was around 57/58 she kept saying that she is "getting close to 60 and I dont want to feel this way when Im 70" . that was 6 years ago!!! Let him be.he will be back when you least expect it. I have never seen such unhappiness in a married person, EVER. Hottest Topics. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. After leaving the fire service due to injury my ex-wife wanted to move to California. You've "allowed" it for a long time so it will likely be a hard habit to break in her. When my wife cheated on me multiple time, she would say those things to her friends. On my bday this year they didnt say happy bday to me because they were upset I made them come home. Divorce, fighting, disputes, stories, disagreements, anything. All rights reserved. again, when questioned; she cannot give any reasons other than that her mom lets her have an opinion at her house. They resent me now and want nothing to do with me and I never ever laid a hand on them. It took her more than 5 years to leave a job she was absolutely MISERABLE in. Divorce Proceedings Part VI-A: http://youtu.be/R5-zktH8ZUk She seemed obsessed with cleaning and was way too strict on disaplining, but thats another type of post. They dont ask for anything. These are children who are hurting. Office in Ridgeland, MS. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window). You'll need to be firm. Privacy Policy. WHAT????!!!! This can be done through guilt-tripping, or "emotional blackmail". This is a support group for people raised by abusive parents (with toxic, self-absorbed or abusive personality traits, which may be exhibited by those who suffer from cluster B personality disorders). Im so sorry for your pain, it must be awful. I think its inappropriate how can I ask her to cut ties? I am starting to forget his voice since it's been so long, can anyone recommend a way to maybe make him change his mind? I pass this on every chance I get because it has helped us so much to limit the damage being done to the children and have hope that their long-term will be better than their short-term. The alienation process was successful with two of my children but the youngest still holds on to what she believe it is surprising that alienation is so successful in the court system and with professionals but it happens and it is real and it hurts. Mimi we are living exactly what you just said why cant anyone believe the truth the narrcissist always wins its all so crazy and the kids suffer for it. Discover short videos related to when you complain to your russian dad on TikTok. Its heart wrenching and I cant afford an attorney to even begin to address this issue. Or some Americans are convinced to travel abroad to join radicals who cut people heads off.. Well same concept here. I understand that once the rights were granted primarily for the mother and the father was left out. One thing all parents should do . Mine bicker some but when Dad was in hospital to get his appendix out, after a prior week where they had him there and did not take it out, it was evident Mom missed him. She kept saying that at her age, no one would hire her anywhere else, so she just put up with a bad work environment. How the fuck did I become a mediator? 11 Ways to Deal With a Critical Mother She always complain about him to me since I was young like 12 years until now and I don't know how to react so I keep quiet. Tell . If complaining continues, "ok bunch of stuff to do here, gotta go bye". I want you to know I totally understand your feelings! I see a counselor now, you can see my other post for more. The good thing is, they dont ask for anything because they dont communicate with me. I know that most commenting are great people, and theres a lot of interesting perspectives that I learned from. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). How Do I Get My Name Off The Mortgage After Divorce? Reddit, Inc. 2023. Im mad at him too. Plus, mom was talking to Mika (daughter) about what was going to happen, how they might lose the house because of Bob (me). The bond is there. Remember sometimes its the good parent targeted think back when you were a teen and where you would want to live. Its a matter of word choice, not denial. That is about the only good thing about the adult children. But my mom complained about the other people she had to deal with, the students, the parents, yada yada. Is she to blame as well? Who is their advocate when they intrinsically feel something is off? She can not deny the truth. California man arrested in connection with serial killings of Mexican FREE BACKGROUND INFORMATION AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST. Sun 2 May 2021 01.00 EDT Last modified on Sun 2 May 2021 12.31 EDT The dilemma My mother recently started going to therapy. The last time I can recall her being genuinely happy was back in 2013 on a trip we took to a balloon festival. My girlfriend visits her ex weekly to see their cats. And cut it off as soon as it starts. 9 Signs Your Child Has Entitlement Issues Or how he told her numerous occasions he was signing his rights away if he had to pay child support, told me he was going to take his last name from her. How to cope when Mom complains about Dad? - DCUM Weblog How to handle my mum complaining about my dad to me - Quora. But, if I say anything negative about sister, even during mom's rant, she switches and tell me that I am never to say anything negative about sister. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. (KR) so how do that make you feel? Is more concerned about himself than others. Im so sorry and I urge you to get some good therapy for yourself. Or quit and find something else. I'm really happy for her. There's a dif between minor grumbles or something that is affectionate (I can't believe your mother bought 8 bottles of hot sauce) vs things that are longer and more serious dynamic issues. 9 Tips for Dealing With Negative Aging Parents | Cake Blog How to Move Past Parental Blame | Psychology Today He cried so hard on the phone with me he could barely breathe one night after she wouldnt let him see them again. These situations require out of the box thinking, and prayer doesnt hurt. She made herself the martyr and my dad the bad guy. And when I say she is miserable.she has often said that she has friends who have told her "you complain too much" or she will speak with a friend she hasnt heard from in a while and they will actually say "Im surprised you;re still with your husband. You sound awful defensive. Humans have a great way to create facades and manipulate others, even without meaning too. Significant others and friends are all welcome. Privacy Policy. that just makes me so angry, Your email address will not be published. It happens, Becky. Supplemental Step-dad. Ive been trying for 3 years with no luck. And now were legally separated and my two 16 year old sons refuse to see me or anyone in my family, and completely believe that my husband and his family are victims of my bullying. Yes but generally I tell them to address it with their spouse if it is incessant or too personal. Thank you so much for writing that it feels similar to my story. I have NEVER heard my mother say anything like "your dad is so sweet" or "Im really looking forward to our anniversary." Divorce Proceedings Part III: http://youtu.be/2DfzLJIezDY Hang in there for your children. Like, it affects my mood. Wow, this hits home JoJo15. Perhaps I just keep encouraging her to be civil. Dont give them the juicy nectar of your pain, thats what they want. Hopefully youll be successful with the APAbut dont be surprised if their funding has its own caveat towards the bias. But sometimes the parent being targeted might be the one holding the kids accountable for his or her actions. Basically, using existing APA diagnostic categories, parental alienation is being defined and diagnosed as Child Psychological Abuse. Re:How to cope when Mom complains about Dad? We must teach kids to understand their intuition instead of turning it off. Then was upset at me for letting the kids know I was upset. Challenge your family to live this week complaint-free. Hello. I know I have a broken heart and pray for reconciliation. Divorce Proceedings Part IV: https://youtu.be/ormEAwOh2Y0 Why she "hung in there" I do not understand. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist My mom makes more than my dad. My parents are in their 80's and complain non-stop about each other. In the middle of the c. 2009 financial crisis was not the best idea. So my mom is the most miserable person I know. Its clear shes being brainwashed by her mother. Bringing children in parental disputes is failure of the concept of love. I will miss out on many things (dad wont tell me about bball game dates or locations, etc) but its what I need to do to protect myself and daughter long-term. Ask questions to get advice or to just vent about any family issues. The final symptom refers to the spread of animosity to other people. Lisa Karges, Florida Resident Partner - Tampa, FL. If you pretend everything is fine between you and the ex-spouse who did heinous things to your family, no one is going to GET the reality of the financial, emotional and logistical fallout from that kind of behaviour. Shes withholding their young kids and basically torturing him with it. Mommy wants you to clean your room? I was 8, maybe 9 years old. I appreciate Dr. Bernet cautions the symptoms need to be studied more. For more information, please see our Non of these issues should have been shared with her. Fast forward to when I was supposed to pick her up the following week my daughter said I was mean and horrible for what I did the night she was taken, and, that she even told the police what I did. And yes, my abuser is the man who is currently abusing my children via PAS. Do they ever wake up and see through the false narratives and lies? Dad has been the irresponsible, deadbeat, poor me victim while Ive done as the court ordered & continued to keep peace & a home for the kids. A bit of hope I cannot agree more. Cool. I wasnt so bad a person as to be cut out like a cancer. Even though these relatives have done nothing wrong, the child will suddenly hate them and never want to see them because of their connection to the father. Your parents are human, not just your parents. Archived post. They are not permanent and they all end. or "I love your dad" NOTHING. As a result of this dispute my mom's health is declining. She gets really angry at me and tells me I'm wrong. How can I move on?. You sound bitter, and it sounds like your kids are going to pay for it. She ignore it and comes up with one excuse after another to prevent him from seek g his children. AITA for Telling My Father To Stop Complaining About My Mom - Reddit My mother complains about my father all the time: anyone else? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I dont remember her making silly voices, dressing up in costumes with my sister and I, watching a silly movie with us. Nope - she lives too far away. Although patterns are present, black and white does not exist in treating families. Then the parent and child will likely have the same story. (JR) I hate when my parent argues, and sometimes, my mom complains about my dad to me, which causes me to feel resentment toward my dad and me. I also went off into a little tangent that when I was 15 and my sister 13 she was unloading her marital issues onto us. Joseph Cordell, Principal Partner, licensed in MO and IL only. Like people sympathizing with their kidnappers. when you complain to your russian dad Most people would have just left after this much misery. All I can say is Juvenile Court Judges in my County are clueless. Divorce Proceedings Part VII-A: http://youtu.be/MBkEI5vLbwc You are correct, that is not for our children to bare and we must show them compassion and how to learn better ways of dealing with loss or change. I get my 6yo every other weekend. She composes fictional points to it and claims to follow court order. My children are starting to feel the disinterest of school activities by their mom, and wants me to help them with their homework even when at her house. Her mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder following a drug overdose, while in possession of my daughter, but this always gets pushed under the rug. But what I dont get is STAYING. For more information, please see our I received 2 years of disability from the state of AZ, which she kept after I left. I dont know why children would get alienated against a parent for no good reason. Mama bird. I would hate to see you develop an eating . Its a very very lonely place to be. He cant be wrong, any suggestion is perceived as a criticism and is redirected at the one addressing him, and he exudes condescension. Like, she is negative and just plain miserable. View Deconstructing America, parts 1 & 2 on YouTube. comment whatever you want, judgements, eat the rich, etc. It has been 4 months, and though my heart is broken, things are starting to show the first signs of change. If the parent is bad let the child find out on their own, through their own experience. But I cant, because these are lies hes been telling my babies behind my back for years (its hard to believe I never knew) and they continue to completely believe him and are oblivious to the fact that they are victims of one of the most horrific types of child abuse imaginable. Phyllis MacCutcheon licensed in CT and NM only. My mom started her complaints with my dad when I was about 15. Thats the second symptom. I am the rejected parent in a classic case of Parental Alienation Syndrome and have also recently escaped from 16 years of abuse from a man with definite Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What if the complete opposite is true? Watch popular content from the following creators: FKA RAYNE(@fkarayne), sharickerr(@jackharlowsbodywash), shadow.girl255(@shadow.girl255), Feruza(@feruza.hasanova), morgan(@morgstng), Ur fav person (@th3y_fw_hailey_), user7529946923636(@harrystylesismyfishsdad), Velvet Pratt(@graysmokeyrose), angelie . The empty threats of divorce. If your mom is gaslighting you, "you may find that you just don't seem as happy or fulfilled as your peers," Sarkis says. How Much Does It Cost To Appeal A Child Support Ruling? I talked with one child who said, My mother is an angel and my father is a devil. And he meant it. It was even noted in our court ordered GAL report that was first published on July 21, 2000 in which it specifically states her (my daughters) statements about Bob (me) were riddled with evidence of having uncritically accepted much of her mothers statements and agendas and in this very same report it was even stated I tried to get the daughter into an adolescent group but mom acted ineffective and it didnt happen. She rarely joins me on trips to visit my mom. He dumped them off on me two years ago and I got custody. She had wine, chatted and laughed with the other people who were with us, bought fun souveniers. Well.that was 2001. Divorce Proceedings Part V: http://youtu.be/e6HZR0g6K9E Im going through PAS right now with my 13 year old daughter. Its unfair. We divorced, and having no family or connections in CA I went back to AZ., while the ex went back to work and enjoys a 6 figure salary. Im 100% aware that my mothers income puts us in the top 10%, and we lead a upper-middle class lifestyle (different from income imo). So my mom is the most miserable person I know. You are telling me that since the mother and daughter both have the same story that it is not the TRUTH??!! My kids are all out of high school now. My mom had some success with her business, and she wanted to celebrate by taking me to a restaurant I recommended (but didnt suggest to go or force her on it) and the meal costs about a thousand dollars. July 7, 2023, 11:26 PM PDT. Sometimes I tell her to just get divorced but she keeps telling me that she hold on because of me and my brother and that is does not make me feel better or grateful it just make me feel guilty and I really hate hearing her tells all this shit about my dad because it is my DAD he deals really nice with me so I just can't hate him or stand hearing this things about but at the same time my mom suffered a lot with him and I just love and I want them to be happy Scan this QR code to download the app now. This is not a fight that can be won by conventional means. In extreme circumstances, this animosity can even extend to the targeted parents pets. For more information, please see our Our child shows signs of narcissism now too so Im not really expecting him to miss me or want to come back. Divorce Proceedings Part VI-B: http://youtu.be/_KLBA7zWUfI Every time anyone complains, that person has to verbalize an expression gratitude in place of the complaint, and if they are old enough to receive an allowance, a paycheck, or birthday money, they have to put a quarter in the jar. He had no visitation at all but I felt that it wasnt fair to keep them to myself. Im sorry if this offended anybody, that would be the furthest from my intentions. Its literally the same things his dad complains to me about via email. When he passed away, my mom was so distraught and inconsolable. Trips. ), Scan this QR code to download the app now. 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