narcissist ex never contacted me againnarcissist ex never contacted me again

He wont even consider that he has ANY issues. He tried to make me jealous with a over-weight woman who glares at me. Little did I know his ex was a codependent strung along for nearly a decade. So for four weeks, it was the first week I dont want you, next week he did, vice versa. I was devastated I couldnt believe what was happening to me. So in the case where the failure of a relationship leads to the feeling of blame and insult for the narcissist, and when the narcissist mentions the statement Never Contact Me Again, then believe it to be a fifty percent chance of them either returning or breaking up the relationship for real. He has asked me repeatedly to call him but I have not because I have worked hard to get to a place where the pain is manageable and I know that I come first. Know that many people are in this simulair situation. The pieces of this insane puzzle will never come together and you may never truly understand what she was thinking or feeling for you. Who blames them? She blocked me from social media and owes me $3,000, so the motive for her to stay away is pretty strong. He tells me you have tons of friends to confide in and I only have you. I loved her so much. well, i guess i still have a lot to learn! And the story will repeat again, maybe shell catch him and get out instead of staying like I did for 4 years. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. Thanks Kim for this wonderful blog. He sounds like he could be a Narc however, now that Ive been in a relationship with one, I sometimes feel a little paranoid when I meet a new guy. Narcissist His cold and indifferent. lol If I had replied to the song he would have been excited and asked for a call. Jason, from one guy to another it aint easy getting over this. He is now with a new supply I have been with no contact for 9 months. Cheers! Trust yourself and all the beautiful emotions that you have regained after breaking up with a narcissist. So, they will wait for you to contact them. And by the way, everything is a joke to the narcissist. I put her growing abusive and physical temper down to myself and not being good enough for her. The lies and the illusions never stop. Anyway I finally decided to see if this connection was for real (yes I know internet trolls exist, so I expedited meeting him), and before deciding to share any more information to a guy I had never met. That hit home! Like its been said before in cases like mine, wouldnt of stayed this long if it had been overtly abusive but there was a fair amount of good and before my discovery he could fool me with his emotions which seemed real. Hugs. Sad, but true. I finally get a text i am with kristen now she is loyal i dont need you your full of drama if you text me again i will get you for phone harrassment i will call the cops . It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. 4. I do not say this lightly, I wish I could say I saw through him much earlier. That may be a clue. To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one who harmed them. The proof is in the pudding. So NC is the only way for me, or I end up mourning and missing him..and frankly after the things hes said and done he doesnt deserve access to me. I STARTED TO BELIEVE ALL THE UGLY THINGS HE SAID ABOUT ME. This may fuel their already inflated sense of self, which can also fuel their fear of abandonment and lack of supply. n.b. We got back together and she told me it was over with the other guy because he had a temper and used drugs. He would either claim I was being over-sensitive, change the subject or end up insulting me. Your most recent gf sounds like a cold hearted person who is NOT a catch in anyway imaginable. Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them: 1. Once I started reading about it I was in shock. I am sorry if all of that seemed insensitive. He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. I was very clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for and what I found acceptable and unacceptable. I have been no contact for 2 months. I can see youre struggling to figure out. Margo. But on the other side.. A sad reality but true and admitting what i have become is important to me. To call me when i am with my very sick mother and only shouting how many problems HE has so that all the attention and talk about HIM. I did not even hound her about it, and actually was pretty cool about the whole thing. I tell him he needs to explore why. So perhaps we can all utalise that hurt to think what have we gained from this HORRIFIC, life changing ordeal & experience ?? Keep up the good work. Rod man interesting on your borderline comment. Its very weird. I was his audience he was my life. He told me we are never ever getting back together, I said yes I know, that is why I asked you to leave. He knows its a matter of time that i will be on my feet again. How Does a Narcissist React when they cannot Control You? Ellen, seems to me YOU have the power now, not him! The woman whom he triangulated me against reached out and were now friends-acquaintances again. And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. One I hope I Never have to Repeat or go through Ever again, I only hope we can all learn to Heal from this Hurt, Damage, Devistation & Destruction they have reaped on us all, Remember YOU saw all YOUR Beautiful Qualities, Your Strength, & All Your Love Reflecting Back at You, when you fell in Love with them, That was perfectly put. I am getting back up and know about a couple of days i am back me again. Everything mentioned, I experienced; the wishing and comparing her most recent lovers were me, etc. He is cluster B. I hope youve found yourself a good therapist and now take great care of yourself. I dont know about the sex because he found it difficult to get it or keep it up towards the end of us as I was onto him and was setting boundaries, the stress was killing his libido I think, hence the reason this new target suits because she is careful and that suits him because he cant perform ? -0 to 60 when they are angered After Stay strong and dont give in! I broke up with him and got back together with him a year and a half later, only to see the old pattern re-surface. My story is a little different I THINK. He looked hurt but Im glad I was able to say that to him because it provided closure for me. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. If you think about it, its what separates us from them. So many times when the behavior was so odd I would think that is just the way woman are sometimes. Once we heal those places within ourselves, not only do we recover, but life becomes better overall. Eden I hope you heal and acceptance that it was never about you will help. Why torture yourself reading her posts and seeing photos of her with this other guy. Every day was getting better. I can switch off. Think, after all he has said and done why give him the right to have access to any part of you and your life? In DSM more traditional view they both go to Cluster B, alongside with few others. Even the Bible says to not even eat with these people and dust the sand off your sandals and dont look back. If youd be interested in coaching to implement and maintain No Contact, I could also help you understand what made you his victim. I was onto her game quicker than most, I believe, and called her out for her BS. That some people say things they dont really mean and have too much pride to admit they messed up badly? Love is not pain! I am so glad i observed without commenting in those early days, and still only use one private well hidden forum on a regular basis to this day. I really dont want to.. Its like tempation. Early in our relationship my ex hubby wanted to get back together and he said while he loved me, he understood that my children needed their dad and if it was something I wanted he would step aside for the sake of my family. I just told her I was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up. He told the police that he is done whatever that means. I know several. It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. I just want my old life back, my confidence, my goals, my dreams. -Physical aggression which ultimately is the partners fault for antagonizing Yes! Friend tells me there was a few of ex narcs buddies that saw him with my car; in fact, friend knows some of the same people but ex didnt know this was my friend. and i fell in to his loving show and words.. then he dumped me again because he is so confused. This is much harder than I thought it would be. They wont accept no. They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce. I also asked him to take my photos down of me on his facebook page and he said NO, why feel the need to keep them up?? Thats why EVERYONE gets a bottle of No Contact at the door. part of me doesnt want to do that because i want to see him coming in the event he tries something. Wow. Aside from that, he seems to have all the blue-print traits of a Narcissist and its very unlikely things will EVER improve. Im not responding to any more calls or texts. He was taken aback. Thus Narcissists fear abandonment and might come around even after asking their ex-partners to never contact them again. It was as if his mind completely changed and he realized I already knew too much and there was no going back. But hes become a different person now that I know about his affair. To this day h will not admit this, I have even exchanged emails and texts with the woman who he had the affair with. The fact that she told me what a nice guy this person is makes me wonder why he has not been used up as well. they were weeping for validation of their love), I decided their words and action no longer hold much weight. By the time my second child was born zero affection, intimacy the mask started to fall and he knew that I knew! I see the light now..it is NOT MY FAULT I did NOTHING wrong.I offered him quality help and a place to live and provided everything while he contributed absolutely NOTHING emotionally or financially to the relationship. And he is a very proud man. I sent my best wishes and he took that as a reason to go one step further. Even knowing all the lies, pain and suffering she has caused me Im still brain washed. But i wont bite the apple again. I think he keeps me going on daily basis but pain is enormous. Pathetic I know. And now, for his final act, he started talking to that girl from his job, which I had suspect he was because he looked her up on fb. Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconciling. This is less consciously manipulative in narcissists who are non-malignant and non-cerebral, its more instinctive as though they believe that theyve made themselves vulnerable and you might attack, so they hide in fear of your attack. So please go no-contact and set yourself free, i am living proof that it works, even 6 months after i felt little sorrow in knowing she was getting engaged. I am still in touch with my stepkids and was just holding one of them while she sobbed over the abuse he has inflicted on her. Wow! But him at his best is still dysfunctional. Prior to discovery after fights, he would seem truly remorseful and we wouldnt split up. I have a question I understand everything in your post and agree, but why would the narcissit ex contact you again when they have a new girlfriend who clearly supplies them of what He wants and worshipps him. They want to know how miserable their partner is after they have left them! He let me pet his dog, small talk like nothing (what he did to me) ever happened. No one can ever take that, Hold your head up high Funny, sexy, passionate to the point where I believed shed taught me what sex was. Of course this last time is a completely different situation. Again acceptance he was disordered helped me find peace. That would not be fair for that other person. If there is fate, it has taught me to check my own energy and try to be as positive, or at least neutral, as I can in social situations. Anyone who has dealt with a narc is changed and scarred forever, Period. The obsession I have with my most recent ex has been hard to get over, especially as he exhibits these traits. Excellent post. Specifically, Narcs cannot have intimate bonds of friendship. I believe she was a waif borderline; much more passively aggressive and secret about things which messed with my head worse than the others. He began down grading me, being very demeaning and almost hateful. The decision of ending things with the narcissists, might upset them, and hurt their ego and self-pride making them feel rejected and insulted. And it will be if you go back. Not a friend I want to keep, thank you very much. I suppose the mindset of the Narcissist is that youll miss them so much, youll forget about what they did or said to you. Understand that I was replying specifically to Matt. The best place for us to start is to begin examining why we began to minimize the abuse and accept being mistreated. Matt, I obviously dont know you personally but I can guarantee you one thingI WOULD NEVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT. This is how clever they are. You can find street hookers with better hearts than your most recent ex. Very giving in our lovemaking (in contrast to what Ive read about most Ns). Because I got to see his good side (he has one). Firstly above all. And they are right. You are so right, Eden. Are You Addicted to a Narcissist (and if so, What Do You Do About It? Takes time. What was I suppose to do? And you will be ready for it and you will survive and you will be the WINNER in the end. Actually THE NEXT DAY (imagine what he felt), and the community too. So, I shut him down. Either way, you might want to try some of the healing tools here on the site, and check out the suggestions in my recent article, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/. I broke all contact 4 months after he left and I know he asks about me and watches my social media pages. Well I saw him and her with his dog and her 5 dogs hiking together. Now, he will have to pay the cable & internet companies for the cost of the boxes if he dont return them and Im not going to keep them BUT Im not jumping just cause he graces me with his texts and calls and Im not responding just cause he thinks i should. A checklist of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination. These things are bound to happen as you forgive their disrespectful, degrading, discarding cycle of conversational rape. WebAnswer (1 of 2): Abhilasha puts it very clearly. My bruises didnt show for two days. It appears to be a mans number and the location was in his truck route so I know it was one of his trucker friends phone. There is also the false assumption that people are too naive and trusting. I am a happy person by nature but a friend said i almost never smile now. Where he used to be able to (really well) fake his love etc. And these memories have such a hold on my spirit, my heart. [] time to fight back against hoovering. He knew exactly how to use that to gain control of me, and soon we had the same old dynamics going. There is no difference than that dog and our beloved Narc. Our last conversation she was telling me to leave her alone and how much better off she is without me. Mine was of all things a They had broken up after two years and she immediately moved to a different city and never spoke to him again. When he couldnt get his way the nastiness started again. I feel he came into my life to teach me something, and ultimately broadened my compassion for others. Because he had never a negative comment, it took me almost a year, to acknowledge myself for what he is, Still picking up the pieces of my shattered life, Ich also had a relationship with such a guy. He loved to be the center of attention, monopolizing our conversations, but he was also a great listener. So they might hoover around you after a while when they cannot find any other source to obtain their narcissistic supply. Third, they like having more than one source of supply because when they get bored with one, theyll just start a fight and then go off with the other for a while. Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. And ONLY in the beginning. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. This all came to a head when I found out she didnt have 2 children she had 4! When they try to come back onto the scene after a long stretch of silence, they have been scheming. The high you get with them is fantastic. Then cussed him out in August when we finally spoke again. And talks bad about me to everyone. Stay in controle. But the actual discovery of an affair (long term plus who knows what else) and this last year of attempting to reusitate my marriage, has allowed me to see him and his behaviors much clearer than before. I dont mean that. There is much turbulence in my life now because of this. Thank you for this.. Dear Ellen, I did..and regretted it of course. I just had a kinda lengthy reply typed here and computer booted me out before I cound send-dammit. Why is this important?? Narcissists have a tendency to manipulate and deceive others. Anyway, last Friday was my birthday as well as his uncles (HE WILL FOREVER REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!). He cant put up with that. If you are truly the owner of this image, you should already be aware of it being hosted on their platform. Three weeks ago, we had a huge fight, which turned physical. He liked every thing I liked. When i asked him Why and he Said sorry it was a Joke. Kim, Fellow Survivor here. Went no contact 4 months ago after almost 11 years with my Narc. I fell for it every time due to my ignorance on this subject. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. Every time I started to walk, shed want me back in her life so badly. They just want from us what we have got All those beautiful qualities and things in life that they will never have I will always have the best side of him in my memories, so I honor that and try to be at peace with the rest. Inside me I was slowly starting to come to terms with things and slowly starting to make attempts to fly again I am feeling stronger inside me after this period of no contact I am also honest and open about what happened and why I am not flying so I dont keep quiet about this but equally I dont make a point about talking about it with everyone around as that in itself was reflecting badly on me. I know i should not do that. My reply to this comment of yours, came up as a comment to Kim. Why is my NPD ex randomly contacting me now, after a year of Yet, she would pull the silent treatment, disappear on me, cancel plans at the last minuteetc. - Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, How Can I Be Sure Hes a Narcissist? Reasons a Narcissist Ex might say Never Contact Me Again. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. just one day you will feel different and He will answer your fervent prayer Then he hated me and even hit me twice and choked me once. This means that 4-5 people out of 100 you know are these creatures!! It has modules for healing and rebuilding and the BEST private forum out there for encouragement and support. It eats me. Even though, I dont have time right now to go through RodMans comment, here are my thoughts. Go beyond the DSM, for ex, BPD is listed there as a separate disorder, the whole Cluster B is described as Dramatic, but o boy! In order to prove your love to a narcissist, you must surrender all power and control to them and become a real-life marionette, whose only purpose is to enhance the narcissists false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse. I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. Why so long?? He said that even though he stays there, he sleeps on her couch and its a place to stay. I have to add I moved on and had a new boyfriend within 3 months so part of me was guilty for moving on so fast after a 10 year relationship. Increasingly however and especially in our last communications he seems to have become amnesiac in regards to our relationship. Ive seen it. Later I learned he was an x-con by doing research. She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. We have all been there. Therefore, if you want to maintain your self-respect and pride, then you should avoid engaging with them in any form of contact unless absolutely necessary and to keep the interactions as brief and factual as possible. This whole crap about us teaching others how to treat us is bogus and only applies to people who dont carry around a moral compass of their own. Our problems escalated. My words to him were I forgive you because I know you are a tortured soul. I hope you get some help because I think you have a lot of potential. Thanks Jill. There were a couple of woman that would come in and out of is life as a close friend to him. some deep childhood trauma He admits now to drinking an being drunk every night and that he is part of 30+ porn pages on fb. I say jargon because his behavior certainly didnt reflect his words. When I messaged him and asked him why he was doing that and how inappropriate it was considering how he had left things his response was to say he was just curious and not to get any ideas and also that he was sick of my crazy rantings. So I felt your words and enjoyed reading you this morning. Stay strong. I feel alive again. Any advice would help. He attempted a hoover January 2020. It is all a game to them His point is, that the traditional psychoanalytical approaches are very much applicable to all the neurotics (people with emotions, insane or healthy), BUT NOT THE DISTURBED CHARATERS, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IMPLYES THEIR ACTING ON SUBCONCIOUS, AND THESE CHARACTERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING, THUS ACT CONCIOUSLY. LOL! The borderline traits answers a lot of questions for me. Watch out. Thing is my ex was meant to be picking kids up and the end of our street but hes been pulling up outside our home for them and when he does he says things like whats for tea, you want me to come back over tonight dont you , smile Im only joking hell say. In some ways yes and it some ways no. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). []. If it werent for the baby inside me I may have done just that. I caught him lying about another girl again, my best friend that hes living with he left me and went right to her house, Im assiming its not innocent like they say is it? I read once that the nice narcs are truly wolves in sheep clothing. Upon reading it slowly Getting rid of this guy is the only hope you have for a future. His suggestion of dating and trying to make it work is simply a way for him to drop by your place when he wants, yet continue his prowl for partners. He has gotten worse at his acting or I have gotten better at seeing through the crap. ex You are one of them whether its because Ive wanted you for sooooo long, or because you possess so many more positive qualities than I ever couldve thought came in one person, or because of the strong love I feel for you that warm, tingly feeling when I touch you or even think of you, the respect I have for you, the weight of your not being close by these past few weeks. This one I am still dealing with has been a nightmare to come to terms with from an emotional standpoint. Thanks for sharing. She sounds like she has an addiction either chemical or narcissitic. I know now by reading much also from mr Sam Vaknin that i am a Invert Narcist and like most women of N have HSP High sensitive. But if a new love interest starts making you feel uncomfortable, becomes condescending, or asks you to change things about yourself, theyre outta there! Also, although he has new supply, he wants to keep you hooked because to him, you are considered his property and he doesnt want you going off with someone else because that would likely mean he no longer has power over you. I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. He helpt me get some furniture i bought, and with putting a closed together. I desire to be in relationship with a woman that will love( Im not expecting perfection here), edify, forgive, encourage and see the good in me, and I desire to be with a woman who can and will receive that as well. Thanks for sharring. My son and I are returning to home town due to many factors. and thats the hard part. Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. Why are you waiting for him to return? Anonymous, hes not into anyone but himself. He thinks he is a master. Thanks for your reply Kim. He begged for me to talk to him and not loose hope, promised it would never happen again and I ignored him. Its often the case that victims trying to recover will need the services of a professional therapist for clinical conditions such as PTSD, depression, childhood issues, etc., and then also work with someone who can help them understand and heal on a different level thats often not addressed in traditional therapy. I would also go with Option 1. Its just not fair. This is how they work. I think he knows it on some level because he works so hard to be different and spiritual. I apologize or Im sorry without actions matching for a long time are not true sorries Cling on to your gut which is Get Out!!! I cant sleep I cant eat. . Its been six months . Why hasnt my ex tried to contact me? 11 main motives behind your Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. -Isolation Hugs and healing to you. He would borrow my car and put hundreds of miles on it. So i tekst hey everything ok? So dear friend I understand how difficult when it appears to the rest of the world that you have a great partner and marriage when you know the reality of it all. Im sure you have added me to that list now. Even if they keep on hinting to you about the same. This is a tricky one and maybe Kim could help you. One thing I noticed is that these Ns do NOT like to know about your problems and weaknesses. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were not there.