Facebook had just began and I found him having a hidden account on another email. But now Im sat here all alone as people have thier own lives and although I get invited places quite often its not all the time and Im feeling myself pining for him more and more. Agreed to no contact. wouldnt answer my calls or texts. I dont know how to move forward. Its so hard to move on . I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The shame I feel for falling for his repeated verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. Thanks for sharing your experienceit just made me that much stronger and know I made the right decision to walk away. IT WILL COME BK AROUND ON THEM Do you really want a man who thinks to himself how crushed you must be to allow his abuse in your life? Hope you find peace, joy & love in your future. So youre left holding the bag that is your heart in a million pieces with no one to say, Im sorry. I knew when her father passed something was amiss his personality changed drastically. What we have endured has not been a mistake but a very valuable lesson. More of a reason you think hed stay with me cause I forgave him. She called 911 on me after starting a fight when I got angry. Im devastated. And explaining why NC is the only way out. I guess seeing him triggered something..Its easier to forget about him because he stopped calling and theres no real chance of us running into another as we dont live in the same city. I know the smart thing to do. He didnt get a reaction from me. They tell you they were so lonely when you implemented No Contact, that they defenselessly fell into the arms of a new lover. I was left stranded on a day we were to move in penniless nowhere to go, and then 2 months later i get a call from another country, after another month i discovered he had gone and got married. this forum is really enlighting as all those stories have so much in common. He had sex with me in this emotional state, then got up, told me to stop crying so he could leave and wanted to be friends. Exactly my experience as well. After, 3 months together I started researching NPD. I was totaly broken , something I knew but was not sure of now finally he confirmed , so cold so evil I did not understand. Multitudes of people whove implemented No Contact with the narcissist in their lives will inevitably ask the question, do narcissists care if you move on? i am the best thing that ever happened to him whilst he threatens to burn down my home if i dont let him stay Along with all that BS were the stories about his ex wives and girlfriends. Common types of narcissistic manipulation include: Triangulation. I cant thank you enough for writing this. Its been easier this time as he hasnt attempted to get in touch with me. Much due to my own actions of persistence. He was saying Kate look how pathetic you are walking around shaking while Im sitting here so calm it shows how pathetic you are. She had isolated me and I had zero social life but now am back enjoying my life with people who truly care. He called and tried to berate me about how he does everything for the relationship; I do nothing. It wasnt until I saw that I was a former shell of myself that I realized what was going on. Anyways im a mess and its my fault. I suppose I just felt I wanted the upper hand to be able to say no. Hes tired, hes done. Im printing your words to reflect on myself. they claim to be a good god fearing man etc. Not a peep, not anything. They ALL cheated on him. I am sure when Monday rolls around and he has to go back to work..I will get hoovered again for money, help, emotional support. Even at the last moment when we said bye over the phone he tried to bomb the I DO love you although I know you say thats not the right thing to say when breaking up made me SO ANGRY. I am still in shock to have found the last six years of my life outlined so clearly for me. Okay well this isnt my lover or ex lover that I am going through this with, It is my son He publicly berates me on FB for all to see. You begin to realize that NOTHING will help them and al those times you were made to feel like crap is all a mere control game they play. And you know what? i believe i will get over this completely in another few months, especially if i maintain the NC. i had issues with men asking me out . He saw me and got back into his car. researched, ignored, dealt with, wouldnt engage, question.. put up a HUGE wall wouldnt sleep w/ All of which only tore me apart, down even further. I havent been commenting lately, my x N decided to stalk me in the new place I live at. My daughter took up the Christmas dinner that I had made for him, his son and granddaughter. He simply let me struggle through it didnt care. I am wondering what is the best way to perhaps help a narcissist while i was heart broken when it ended i think i had experienced the light version of manipulation and do care about him and would very much like him to be happy as he is obviously not and admitted it many times himself is there a way to be there for them in a way that they accept it ? A nightmare. The old guy will not return. And yet I fell hook, line and sinker for this N. He goes from woman to woman(and told me about it)looking for the right woman to marry. Last month I saw him looking into the fields where I keep my horses. I cant believe that someone so vile and toxic was in my life and that I allowed it. During the relationship, you became an extension of them, so when you begin to break away and reclaim your conscious thought process they typically go into a rage, although this isnt always obvious. He said he will sign one over to me ( the one I am currently living in ), but legally he could get them both if he wanted to. I had known my N for years before inviting him into my life. I introduced him to my boss at work and he asked me if I was f*cking my boss. The constant non stop mind game! I got to a point where I knew I had to release it. he doused you in petrol and lit a match????? I wish I didnt have to see him, that would make things so much easier. Blessings to EVRYBODY on this journey!!!! I dream about the what ifs. My advice to everyone is to research and know everything there is to know about NPD and finally get away fast to never look back ever again. Your children could either grow up to be co-dependent or Narcissistic themselves based on the abuse theyve suffered. I got no response until a couple of days later saying I wont respond to someone being so childish and petty..So i called the police, had them talk to him since he was ignoring me and had to actually pay him to leave so i could come home! By the way, if you haven't yet tried guided meditations, I highly recommend them during all phases of recovery (there are other tools needed to recover, as well, but guided meditations are easy to access). Yes I did fall in love but my gut instinct has been my best friend all the way. He misses not having someone to take his frustrations out on. anyways these monsters will be punished but not by us. New Year, New Beginning make it about getting bk to YOU. I used to scour that neighborhood to see if I could produce an exchange encounter and maybe, just maybe if he sees me again, he will know that he screwed up. I never knew about this until I started to do some researching. The last 7 have been aweful. but in order to keep her from him i had to tell the courts his was not her biological father. However, while in this relationship he and his father had a falling out. Im glad to know my blog is helpful to you. I no longer had to worry about my hair being too nappy or the self-hating crap from him and everyone associated with him. N/C!!! =p) Of course, I say that because it applies to my situation. Does anybody know what happens after the cycle? I boyfriend fits every category and i have been trying to leave with out him sabotaging me in every way possible. !, Ms. Threatens the police on me . They watched me become a former shell of myself and Im a very strong person. Were married dumb ass. I *do* have a connection with a higher power now. Im working my way towards letting go. I always wonder when the next attack will come, i welcome it just so i can get it over with and when it doesnt happen, i think whats wrong with him. I have been caught in a relationship with a N it lasted 10 month, not very long I know but enough to lose sense of my life and my core beliefs for a while . anyway. So, I agreed to go on date with him. Anyone who has read and read and gone no contact and failed will know how hard it is till the day you allow yourself to be repulsed, repulsion is crushing. There was one ugly blowout where she cussed me out in a casino lobby, i then left, she then ran up to my parents room and cussed them out at full volume about what a disrespectful loser they raised. At the contrary, you are emotional healthy and this is why you feel so much pain. Shes right. I was so in love with him, so of course after a week crying locked in the bedroom, I was with him again, feeling that he was having emotional issues and I needed to take care of him, because I was a good wife. The love-bombing stage is over. But oh man, is she gonna pay for doing this No Contact thing. He forces a smile and returns the hug, which doesnt seem as genuine as yours. ALL THE THINGS HE, himself is & has been! This all helps me stay a little stronger! @Veronica good for you! We had the potential for a great relationship but he made it impossible. If he finds a new target, it will look like the epiphany of happiness. I just cant understand. Im open for suggestions. As you can tell anger has hit me know after 2 months of just crying. That nothing will stop him. But *nobody* understands the emptiness of the discardand being trapped in the net. Its hard to imagine that God created so many men and women with this dreadful personality disorder. This email proved to me that I have changed and thats amazing- maybe thats why I got it- a universal sign that Im on the right track. or ready to eat. a relationship does not make, imho. Has any other grandparent gone through this? Now I know that no matter what I did, he would never return the love I gave to him and most importantly, I am not crazy. I honestly have to say, Im not any of those things anymore. I am pretty sure he would have someone else by now but I have no feeling about it, I know what the other woman is getting into. This is breaking my heart, any help appreciated Thank you. Just going no-contact by blokking them on your phone, social media and e-mail wont be sufficient in many cases. (Even rent to anywhere hes stayed) and she knew it. A Narcissist Always Returns (the Hoovering) Looking back he was hot and cold though, and after realizing he was seeing other people, etc and researching Ive realized that hes a narcissist. To be honest they do themselves in. If something doesnt feel right in your gut, no matter what it is. 1) Anger When you've implemented No Contact with a narcissist, the first emotion they feel is anger at your attempt to set a boundary. I hate that I do. My good husband died 3 1/2 years ago. Eventually I started leaving work early to satisfy her needs. My ex n clocked me while I was sleeping too! With a polite note, only saying Thank you for lending me these dvds. Treating him with no special treatment. I didnt try to contact him or seek revenge. I love you for responding, again thank you so much. The narcissist only returns again and again to ensure that you never move on from the pain he has caused you - and this is the ONLY reason. and these 5 years will always be labeled as the worst years of my life and the last three have had drastic effects on my health.. feels as if any day i will wake and not be able to walk, the body pain is that bad. Penniless and in a great big messHe managed to squander my retirements, SS and my inheritances and I have nothing left but far too many regrets.. You are doing research, and found this website. I called him at 5:30 and told him I couldnt wait to see him in the morning. I am doing SO great., And every few days he drops in with a false little nugget of hope, I am so confused.. May I ask why you allow her to have access to you? I often wonder if he ever really loved me at all!!!! , I forgot to mention when I said our family and kids. This is a side note to anonymous regarding her ex N and his porn. gotta let go of whats killing him before it kills him, even if it kills him to do so. Reality Hes been grooming new supply for some time now and your attempt at No Contact was the perfect opportunity to begin triangulating. Isnt it terrifying to know that someone can be that crazy? I heard also this will b my best revenge ever, to get in their pockets, and since he feels hes above the law like most Ns, I know he wont abide with court orders and that will finally land him n jail where I want him to b and whoever bonds him out will not get their money back, it will come to me because Im the mom, already been doing my homework on that.. he hates child support and so far his licences are suspended and thats music to my ears.. big hug and i think you sound like a wonderful person! I felt I needed my closure and I sent him an email outlying my reasons for leaving him and reminded him of the nasty things he had said and done. I had been married previously and he was an alcoholic. I have been trying to move on for some time, but she gets mad and blames me for everything. He seemed to respect my growth and independence. When I returned on Christmas morning I had to endure 8 yes 8 hours of yelling and screaming at me because I didnt call him after 5:30 the night before. THEM, PERIOD He has tried his best this time, but the strong feeling in my gut prevents me from ever going back there. Narcissists may respond either particularly well or particularly poorly to breakups. Im so sick I cant even function! next week the kids go to another town to be with my parents for the summer (they do this every summer as soon as they were potty trainied) 8 year and 12 years old. I had known him for a few years as I had my horses at his farm. That child just became a weapon for her to get to you. I conteract this by then thinking about all the pain, its worked. If you can start surrounding yourself with genuine, supportive people it helps alot to get out of their mind control. Document all the times you tried to reach her and if she wont allow you to see your son, go straight to the courthouse and file custody papers. He told the girl I wasnt his girlfriend then he threw me out of the house. I hoped that maybe he had grown as well and just maybe we could come together again and apply the lessons wed learned. Like a spoiled little kid! Im not a young woman, but would like to have someone to spend my twilight years with. (and since he wanted me hooked on him emotionally, and I wasnt) I tested him and then said.. I know this kind of behaviour all too well. I saw his passport days before at his office, and I new that the bullets were in the closet, so I didnt open. And deffo not asked to meet up and not given him the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I was. In turn, a gap between the True Self (insecure, needs attention) and the False Self (seeks power, adoration, polished appearance, needs nobody) took form. This is particularly painful because you may feel desperate to speak to them, and feel like you . At the same time, Ive heard of them going back sometimes four or five years later. She had that epiphany you mentioned above lol. That is how youll know they are a keeper. I feel like a hermit. Please. Good riddance. He doesnt appear to have any remorse, infact he acts like he was in some way proud of it. The only place i feel safe is inside of me, knowing that when i speak or laugh no one knows that im the one struggling. I had a narcissistic mother. Pure mistake on my part, not on purpose. then turns around email me and says i am not going to throw you and kids out. I have no idea why its taking me so long. Best wishes for your situation, and feel free to reach out at anytime. Yet it all added up not only was he a Narcissist he had a very well hidden meth addiction. So I was with him for two years the first go round. Does the Jekyll & Hyde morph over into stage one again & the cycle continues? The last time I said I was leaving, I had had enough. he wasnt giving me any money since he got back, i was paying for all the bills (he was out of work for a while tooo). Doing anything less is like allowing a viper to live in your home, never knowing when it will strike. I am so messed up in so many ways. Good on you, always watch your back, stay safe and be on guard just in case this crazy man surprises you out of no where!! When A Narcissist Is Obsessed With Revenge Against You Thanks ever so, Kristie x. Kristie, he came back. I vacillate from believing he loved me but his dysfunction/demons just got the better of him to thinking hes just pure evil. He then pinned me on the bed again, trying to hug me etc and saying sorry. i just had to comment how they really try to convince you that its all your fault. My gracious, Im sorry for writing so much. Thats what worries me. Which is another slap in my face!! Living with constant anxiety and walking on egg-shells not to trigger his mood swings! Some lady called the police and they were hugging afterwards while the big bad man (me) was getting chastised by the police. This made me totally sick!! I knew it was coming, things went quiet and he works quickly. Ive just been discarded recently and badly ending with him throwing me around his house, kicking & choking me & throwing me on the street, some belongings and all for the neighbours to see. I have a lot of boundaries that makes any N run to hills. They hate being exposed and thrive on keeping their range of victims in the dark. well, he did anyway. East coast gift to gab ya know. While SO grateful for my son, wouldnt trade him for the WORLD. And Im even better. A real man would never need to control, demean or create a smear campaign against you. It happened VERY slowlytil I woke up one day and wondered what the Hell happened.. Its best not to leave yourself open for that, so kudos for keeping him blocked because you know you might feel weak. Also, ridiculously exaggerated but well-timed comments about the beauty of other women, also after rages. Thank you Kim, you have provided clarity for me in this seemly trapped fog of narcissist-infected life. I am wondering the exact same thing as you. If they know they can hurt you , they know you still have feelings and feelings equals easy to manipulate. I have followed your advice and researched online and attempted no contact. I said, exactly. Anyhow, the fallout was extreme. Im a victim. I was a wreck. Once he got me on the phone to arrange pickup of my things he would start with the mind fk. You are *not* alone. Then all those red flags added up. he doesnt care. Suddenly here was a guy who actually seemed to like me for who I was. Long story short. The ego comes first and they will protect it at all costs. Based on the information youve shared, he certainly seems to be behaving in a narcissistic manner. Dont feel bad. Not know if he was ok, or lying on the road somewhere dead. But as I was leaving the venue someone ran up and hugged me and I looked up and it was his best friend. Thank you for your blog Kim. I am not the bad one here, he is!!! Its him. Thank you for this blog. Wondering if he misses me at all or cares! not just bopping to relationship to relationship it will eventually snowball They tried to warn me before i fell for her once again! She ruined him took his business, money and almost left the country with his 2 kids. I just happened upon another site and it was all about women being victims of a male narcissist. Knowledge is power!! Grey rock this guy and make room for that good man. I know I need to go no contact. Was this emotional abuse, and can someone give me an insight to this? If he comes back in my life I will cry, He took himself off to Tenerife in May and in June his son sacked my son, via text message, from the bakery he managed for his father two hours before he was due to start work. Im sure he will come back sweetie, but please- take it from me, who stayed for two years- that it doesnt get better. in fact, it is quite supernatural isnt it? I literally had to hit rock bottom to realise that no one is worth experiencing a life that is full of trauma. Short and blunt with no emotion. She called me about a month ago to cry that I called her a bitch and a narcissist and a user to him. sometimes, im not sure if they ignored him, or if he was invisible to them or what, because they would pay no attention whatsoever most of the time. fter reading comments on here, I went strict NC. I wouldnt be threatening and nutty. All the letters he wrote to her were a ditto of what he wrote to me and he even took her to our honeymoon place and got married in Ireland where we traveled together as well. Better yet, its the point I realized how badly the system suuuuucks! We were actually leaving church when she flew into a narcissitic rage and flopped out of a moving car. Because Im always let down. All of my past emotions are back, confusing me if he is really a bad person or not. So I held on way past the time I should have let go. She is really good at lying. confronted him and he started paying a few bills and groceries. I owe it to myself to move on. She has successfully over the 4 years i have known her to keep everything, family, friends, her life? The more time that goes by, the more the pain subsides, and I try to change my memories to make it possible to talk. Michelle , trust me you will get the chance to tell him go to hell. Its really wonderful that you blocked him because any type of engagement puts you at risk of letting him back in. I have rejected all my xs attempts and frankly stated there was no more hope. But I do daily reading and the more I read the more I understand what he is and why he does it! He would toss me and kids out .I have talked to friends and they tell me to stay on till im ready to move on.They also say i should leave so i can move on.My ex pays my car insurance and gas electric water and cable . so I stayed sharp and alert with him and in the background I was on a mission to find out everything i could about him. Peace be with you, there is a good man waiting for a good woman to love and care for. She told us what he was like and all the things he had put her through but I choose to beleive him. She now makes our sons and daughters lives miserable to the extent they move every time she finds them. Tothineownselfbetrue, you are suffering from the aftermath of severe emotional abuse. I would never be described as naive. Anyway on calling him he was cold and said you kicked me out you made this choice blaming it all on me saying he had changed everything to be with me he is a good man etc. Your best bet is to keep him blocked. but last year was a train wreck. I ate all that sh..t up like I am five let him back to my life just so he can beat me up , offend me put me down and terorize me again. Ladies, stay strong. I allowed this man to bully me. I just thought, I am away and its over. You WILL gain strength. How can it be that he was crazy about a woman that treated him in such a domineering way (which was confirmed by mutual friend that knew her) and displayed airy indifference with someone who truly loved and respected him? I wasnt a good supply. Cheers & so sorry there are SO MANY of us out there experiencing the same. just wanted closure. Said he never wanted to see or speak to me ever again. (I was always willing to consider that maybe something was my fault, something he could never do). Im lonely enough to! [] what are the narcissists thoughts regarding the resurrection of the []. your the one who keeps this looser around and leaving me for her. Not sure of that turn on! To know that there are people like him walking around fooling people, leaving broken hearts and shattered expectations wherever they go.with no remorse, because they dont have the capacity for it. i had 2 other kids at home and bills and more bills i barley made it as it was,. If you want them back take me to court, and Ive talked to your mistress name_____ address______. I figured that if he really wanted to see me or talk to me, then he would. Phone calls calling yourself or taking calls from the narcissist. I noticed that immediately after I told him that I had no interest in him anymore as a friend or anything else, the nasty tone came back into his voice and he was like bye. Someone please help all I still wake up and dont know where I am. Hopefully soon (especially once the divorce is finalized) less contact will be possible. Oh well. But, like I said, after reading your articles and other online resources, it seems like this situation is typical and happened to many people. We have a connection unlike anything else. Ive looked into a restraining order, its $80.00. Ooooh soooo true except he brought flowers not to me but to my 84 yr old mother at my home. So he started a 12 step program and at first he was all full of promises that now he was off the drugs that everything would be different because this was the root of all his problems, paranoia, selfishness, no empathy, lying, cheating, controlling ways! He will say what he needs to say in order to get what he wants from you (sex, ego stroke, verbal punching bag, etc. i was like what does that mean to you. of hell LOVE my life without that evil but. I was broken. Dont you find it funny that no one else in your life has ever treated you or spoke to you the way he did? We talked for 8 hour stretches the first few weeks, so overjoyed to be back in each others lives. I had the nightmare experience of a narsisist lover for 5 years. I've done a little bit of research and talked to some dumpees to understand how long it took their exes to reach out. Please try to work on overcoming your anger. I hope youre recovering well after your operation. On me to do! He also humilliated me often by screaming at me in public. the last year of that in this confusing, frustrating, sickening hell), it helps to know its NOT ME! If you do have one,make sure you stick to it very stringently-meaning dont miss any visitation.