and out of everubody she knew! If you dont move away, you never know she may just cut you off and you will be left wondering and hurt the way I was. Thats funny. I can tell you right now though that I am the one being accused of being what this article about. I was pulling away from my narc friend because I was tired of feeling bad when I hung out with her. I hardly ever hear from her and when I do, it is only if I make the contact and usually its very short responses. This friend was much kinder than the other 3 in my lifeshe was charming and very kind. If I hadnt been so secure in my knowledge of her condition and just how extensive her delusions were, I may have been left thinking I was crazy. very life saving article . Bold faced lies, at that! I just wonder if my long time friend is too. I thank God every day that I am out of their grip the power struggle was real. I appreciate all who read and hear my story for how summarized it is. I saw myself growing old with them. Boom! I would sincerely appreciate any advice from anyone out there. All i got was a reflection of her stating that I shouldnt say anything and gondown the confronting road as I would get very lonely as though she was the only good friend I had in the world. Put on some earbuds to block them out, pretend to take a nap, or ask another friend to be a buffer. The destroy my reputation phase felt awful! And at the pool, thats all she talked about. I thought these woman were my plutonic soulmates. (He has just cut her loose, and Ive just begun the process.). Can a Dog, Cat and an Octopus Protect Me From Narcissists? This is her 3rd failed relationship in 8 years. My finances and professional reputation have been completely destroyed by this womans web of lies, even though the judge promptly dismissed all the charges (once he understood she was lying about everything in court). Its sad, and it makes me feel sad to think of the fun times we had together, but even sadder that she really didnt value my friendship at all in the end. 6 Traits Of Female Sociopaths - Psych Central Expect chores to be hurled at you for the next 40 min. It is horrid trying to deal with her! Similarly, you might be doing a group activity, such as karaoke. Is there really no cure for her?? I say free because whilst I may have gone no contact she still invades my thoughts many times a day. Both of their parents were dead when they had their first childs wedding. Hi Mel, We are all narcissistic to some degree. At the time I was amazed how many things she opened up about. I wanted out of this friendship but didnt want to unleash her rage. I was reading up about a man I had just become romantically linked with, after 5-years of friendship and realise he has narcissist traits. . She was a military vet, finishing her degree, her husband was a manager at a major store and he worked his schedule around hers to watch their son. However, sometimes I do still care about and miss her. This to me was not the same thing as telling this woman she wanted to cheat on her husband with a doctor her husband knew. After a year of not speaking to this friend the way she treated me still makes me upset. This resulted in several people she polled to drop me as a friend (firmer high school mates that really dont know me any longer). My current (soon to be former) narc friend, also maintains a male/female platonic friendship. I was in shock. But from my research on tight hamstrings, Ive concluded that it is highly unlikely that she really has them because if she did, it wouldnt just be a sudden thing. Thank You for getting the word out! Female narcissists expect to be in the limelight and cannot handle it when they feel they are being ignored. I see more folks are dealing with this issue with people. She came to a couple of social things we had on and she invited me out for a coffee on her birthday (although she didnt say it was at the time). She was a Facebook stalker, looking for people she didnt agree with and attack them with smarmy, short comments to start an argument. I am a Narc Magnet. I was never angry, and I never blamed her for anything, she was always brief and sometimes didnt even reply. I am hoping as time goes by that will go awayI am grateful to see that I am not alone in this. Everything is his fault. Hi Kiki, It is heartbreaking to discover the friendship you thought you had was only an illusion. I just hope and pray for their emotional and physical safety. You might let your narcissistic friend pick the restaurant or may celebrate several accomplishments at once, including something they did. And then I get bored or they make some huge mistake and I do not forgive them. I was floored by what she said! We feel badly for our sonwho will not leave the relationship because she has convinced him if he did she would get the children, and he knows what kind of mother she isnt! Horrible selfish person. Previously I had always attended her events and got to know her circle of supply but once I was no longer a new face she became a bit indifferent taking it for granted whether I was there or not. Good luck you, please wish me luck. Just be honest with yourself. It will make everyone here feel much better! Im not on Facebook because of her! When I was discarded, it meant nothing to her because I was a pawn in her game of COLLECTIONS of humans to adore her and her husband. However, all of this leads to a lot of confusion for those unlucky enough to be in a committed relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality disorder. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. The only way to get out is by cutting them off or grey stone them look it up really helps. i am terribly scared to face life, and have chronic headaches, and my ears have a ring and cannot sleep at night and when i saw my father after 2 years i felt like medusa and ophelia and that my head should be cut off. Sometimes she wpuld be in and out of my life but always came back to me when she needed what she wasnt getting from other people. She is like a dark shadow that lingers, I realise she needs me in her life to continue playing the victim but it is exhausting trying to work out ways to protect myself. I instantly turned into caretaker mode, and helped with arrangements for family members, friends, funeral arrangements, etc. Her lawyer believes every word she says and is being as cut-throat as possible in dealing with her ex. A very similar situation happened to me where I was a mentor/friend for several years and as a result of him getting new friends and more recognition, I was blocked from Snapchat, Facebook, and other social media and this guy literally runs away from me in the halls. We wanted to be there for her as much as we could because we knew this was a difficult time for her. Ugh. You have too much introspection to be a narcissist. They gain what we call "narcissistic supply" from doing this. At first, she may try to get you to meet up with her and you may feel sorry for her and, thinking of the good times that you may have had together, want to agree to meet up. I believe this is because both my parents were/are narcissists. Not only had she been abusive towards me a few weeks prior to that (expressing her honest opinion about things) but she was begrudging me having a great time when I know that I owe her money! I was devastated. Thank you for this article! Learning to set clear boundaries has been a wonderful and freeing thing for me. I dont miss them at all, one of them was the type of person who always talks about herself and her fantasies of how prestigious she is in her career and is constantly the advice giver. Over a few months of passive aggressive behavior from her, I finally had enough circumstances to bring it to the table. That way your narcissist cant deny what was agreed. I use to overlook all of these things because she really has had a difficult childhood, and I thought it mean to call her out on her bullshit when I did not know the pain she felt. But the first three months after listening to her complaints, it seemed to me that her anxiety over-reacted to what I was hearing seemed to be just little things. Selfish. The main thing is that you know what you are dealing with, and that she is now out of your life. And it enabled us to hang out. There may only be a couple of them but that is all I need. Life goes on. I see now, from all Ive read, that she is actually experiencing a Narcissistic Crisis bought on by the simultaneous loss of three of her most valuable, satiating sources of Narcissistic Supply. I get the door slammed in my face. I wanted to distance myself from the new woman because red flags went up all over the place and she drained me of my emotional energy. I wont get into the details but believed back then she had traits of a narcissist but chalked it up to immaturity only. Hopefully, all of us have learned a lesson. They often don't show negative. Get Leverage when Negotiating with a Narcissist - Divorce Magazine My advice to anyone who thinks they may have a toxic friend or already know and are planning their break up And the soon-to-be-ex may have to negotiate the full divorce elements, where shared responsibilities for children, living accommodation, and financial arrangements could cause rifts and arguments. (???) Feeling very bad for myself why cant I see through a person well. you should look onto how her husband died. I was thrilled. I highly recommend another book called Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golem openied my eyes . Mostly myself because I trusted her words so blindly. Purely driven by jealousy. I thanked her again for thinking of me and for calling and I wished her well. She may give you silent treatment. Yes, I need to work on my own tendencies and behavior with CBT. did your narc friend go?? They would party every weekend and take party drugs. Now fast forward, the affair is still on and off, she has a new job etc and really, a new life. Another thing that may explain their narc tendencies is how they enjoy gossiping but did they have a problem with admitting fault for any reason? Brilliant article! A narcissistic friend may have no problem making other plans, even though your feelings get hurt. Ill repeat we all, and You deserve a reciprocal and mutually kind friendship. Sometimes it is much harder e.g. Delusions Of Grandeur Is Their Signature Trait One of the sisters said I was negative. And this woman told me all she had said about me, everything I had confided in her, she had repeated to the, at the time, mutual friend..( this friend was also dropped like a hot potato like I feel like I am..) The only reason to why Im not cutting all contact is that we have mutual friends and as I have zero confidence in being valued by these people on my own account, I am afraid that she will start talking bad about me (as she obviously has done before) and those friends will cut me off- everyone seems to believe this woman can do no wrong Am I right?? To the typical narcissistic woman, you are no more than an object of " secondary narcissistic supply " that provides her with whatever she wants or needs within the relationship. I have not been in contact for several months with either one of them. Not once. Shes exiting, shell make you feel special and alive but will easily drop you when you not needed anymore. I will continue to be open and loving to all I meet but Ill be much more discriminating about who I invest myself with. Shed never ask how my night was or take any interest in the fact I had my own life beyond her little world. I had to leave my job and go on disabilty. Of necessity, they are actors. recently after 12 years of not seeing each other. I loved my mother in law. We dated and frequently ate out at high end restaurants, travelling hundreds of miles to high end hotels and shopping trips. Early on, probably 2 years in I realized she inst the person that she claimed to be- i actually called her a fraud to my husband. Although I do know none of them show any sort of loyalty to each other. I found her to be initially very open and bubbly and fun to be around so I decided to let loose and be open about my life with her as well, something I rarely ever do especially with coworkers. Eventually I told her no right at the last minute and she was so upset with me that week was my birthday the whole week she didnt talk to me n I was ready to just go no contact. We went out and socialised and life was good. | My husband and I have been married for 12 years with multiple miscarriages and no successful pregnancies.