Oh and if wanting to live a life with people who genuinely care about me and dont want me to live in fear makes me selfish then so be it!!!!! She was NOT pleased with me. Shes done that several times she never wanted to talk to them when they were married, but all of a sudden wants to forge relationships with them now. If you challenge it and they still dont show you any respect then I would lay down consequences such as cutting contact at least until your wife feels better. My ex cheated twice. They need to support you in your transition out of the relationship We are still invited out once in a blue moon but its more for big parties rather than wee small things that everyone else does. Lets stop and look at it from another point of view. My mom knows that he has dated 3-4 women after the divorce and cheated on them too and was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Not side with the ex. If your ex is anything like mine she will know exactly what she is doing and its plain nasty of her. My ex lives across the country with his new wife and our two adult daughters, who are going to college there. Its upsetting to us because she is invited to family gatherings and we are not. Then it should be time for them to reflect on who family really is and support you. Infidelity on one side led to infidelity on the other side, and I finally realized that I needed to end things as they were so very toxic. Incapable of accepting that Diet Coke is my limit, they have stopped inviting me anywhere. My ex used my mom to call my new gf and plant dated information about my past. My point is there is more than family that can be lost from bitter feelings, that can last a lifetime. won't my boyfriend invite me Why miss out on some of lifes greatest memories with family and friends, lifes to short. Apparently.. you all dont understand what a family is. For one they are his kids too. Even after marriage he refused to have a joint account and denied me access to money. We dont have kids, have never been married and only been together for 6 months. Ill call you later, okay? Then, when you call, tell them Things have been so hectic lately, I usually cant hang out unless we plan something ahead of time. If the person keeps showing up unannounced, try being a bit more direct. I hate who Ive become. I have been assaulted by the brother and give a verbal spray by the sister after I disclosed I had brain tumors and an aneurysm requiring treatment and surgery. Other than my parents, I have lost the beautiful relationship with my sister and family. Right now Im working through drafts of a declination letter to my cousins wedding, and I know that it will just make me look worse. She is a family lawyer on top of that!! I just found out one of my sisters plans a monthly family movie night with my kids but she does it when they are at his house not when they are with me. Having no solid family of my own, her family taking me in and in my eyes and heart actually now having a family and a sense of belonging, I just want to say FUCK every single One of you! I hadnt had an affair before leaving. Youre not unreasonable at all, but you cant change them only yourself. Although not on holidays its separate. You will live if you have Thanksgiving with your kids. He was not around like that, but her perents liked him, He was even invited inn for a drink at Christmas. Can you really still love people that treat you so badly and is the everyday pain really preferable to the fear you feel of letting go? I am sorry that you are being hurt this way. The best way I can describe it is that shes like a 3rd wheel in our new married life. One way to deal with uninvited guests is to leave. I am sure that these are lovely people but my anxiety is through the roof. I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your pain. You need to sit down with your sisters and mom and spell it out for them. I wish you find some peace, soon. I feel like I do everything I can to help my kids and always try to look at things from other points of views, but I dont think I should have to choose to either give up my family or spend so much time (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. I dont have a problem with him having a relationship with anyone in my family but I dont think I should have to be there when he does or give up my family vacation. I see kids who are well adjusted and able to enjoy important milestones in their lives, without a thought of who will, and who wont get along. Its hard to believe an ExEx convict with a stack of criminal records can take everything away for the sake of power and control. 2017-But my mother and sister again met with my daughter and her mother over the past winter. Im not sure if you expressed what your expectations were and he forgot or ignored them, or he just did what he thought was right and that wasnt what you were looking for. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in 5 years but invited him to her wedding. When he went on vacation to France, he referred to a woman named Peggy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have family days at the park, go shooting, go out to dinner or breakfast, etc. We were 2 months from the divorce hearing. My friends gave up on me What I cant understand is how they dont understand they were played. Just bloody have some wine. My names Lucy and Ive given up drinking. My ex has even friended a couple of guys I dated after we divorced and hangs out with them. You brought him round because he accompanied you. At least my family knew they were wrong, because they hid that my sister was having a relationship with my ex-wife, whom I divorced because she was sneaking around and cheating on me. He supplies me with other recommendations: a great book hes just read, Brian, by Jeremy Cooper, oh, and theres the Francis Bacon studio exhibition I should catch on my way out. S exactly! Now youre seeking an ignorant beta male provider that you can continue to manipulate and feed off of peoples energy because you are an emotional vampire. My ex went to prison a year after we married for a long time and I stuck with him. I had my mom set EVERYONE straight! Personally, I think communication should be at a bare minimum when your partner travels. And someday when you have a new husband it would be great if he could be friends with your ex. You dont have the right to control other peoples autonomy like that. It is unsettling and sounds like her family doesnt care how she feels. And I allowed him to change me into someone else. My sister and I never got along or were close. It must be very frustrating and painful for this lady . I totally agree with your comment Jennifer Benner. Reading the comments following the article was a bitter pill to shallow, but I am thankful for everyones input. There were so many things going wrong in my life. If they dont respect your feelings at least you will know where you stand with them. I chose my health more quickly this time and have gone no contact. My expenses have increased since moving in with him. They have been the only family I had for the last two decades. Best wishes for the future. If it was mutual, your fault, his fault. It may say something more about you than your ex. Not one would stand for it if it were them. I dont think youre being unreasonable at all. I get along with my brothers ex wife still, we message each other once every 3 or 4 months. He said he should have done it years ago. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. I do feel we have an innate need to be backed up by our biological family but I agree that the needs of the children are paramount. The selfishness and inability to look beyond yourselves baffles me. Sadly she has cancer but her behaviour over the last 5 months towards my Stepdad and myself reminded me so much of my ex etc that I found myself heading for a breakdown with my Stepdad along with me. Eventually I got a new partner, who he knew through being around me so he thought it was a betrayal, he went crazy, was threatening etc during this time he started going to my sisters most days again, he was threatening my new partner yet my sister was still supporting him which of course hurt me. My parents, and sometimes my sister do the same thing to me. It is not his family anymore, he shouldnt come to family gatherings thats just nuts. They not thinking about you, sounds like they want you to be in misery. These people have not ever invited me over to their homes. Unfortunately, some families are toxic and dont care for their family member. You cant expect to bring someone into your life, share your family with that person for 10+ years and then expect everything to stop because you dont want to be around them any more. When I got divorced, my ex would text my dad and give false details (basically false assumptions). Only my ex verbally abused me and sexually assaulted me. My ex and I divorced after 28 years of marriage. I feel very isolated. Waiting for Karma to show up. My therapist said I hurt because my family will never be what I wish it was. He fails to pay his alimony Im so disappointed in them. I agree. Im sorry. Now another 6 years has gone by. Its been 30 years. You are responsible for your own happiness, not him nor your family. I came across this post because this was bothering me so much and wondered if others thought this was normal? Nowadays, I dont even give it one thought. They have no conscience and neither does a family that chooses them over their own. So I stopped. They are all a family unit. I can only describe my sister as evil and anyone who doesnt see her for what she is, is naive. I dont get to know and spend time with them. He agreed, but still, would fly her and my daughter down to his place for the weekend. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. The familys treatment of me when i split up with my ex literally broke my heart. My parents remained very close to my brother n law and he was pallbearer at my fathers funeral. People are allowed to have opinions, even if they differ from yours. I have a bit of the opposite situation. How hurtful and disrespectful could you be. Oh well. The family member just needs to not discuss the ex or put it in your face. Ultimately, through their friendship, they realized for themselves what type of person he was and left him alone. As best I tried I could no longer see them as good people, nor could I see the world as a good place. I love them all. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. My ex was very controlling and mentally abusive and more personal reasons I dont care to share. Could we plan our dinners in the future?, Im really grateful for your friendship, but I need more time to myself, so I won't be able to hang out as much., Tell them you need time away from your relationship: Ive been feeling stressed lately, so Im taking time for myself. You may feel like your going crazy, but you are not crazy. He sadly lost his life in his early forties and I wouldnt be surprised if it was suicide because of the emotional problems he was left with because of his upbringing. I realize that he has helped her with repairs. what goes on in his home stays there and what goes on in yours also stays there.. not easy to be firm, but worth it keep smiling, stay strong realize some people are just good manipulators he did manipulate you right? This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. What he depicted was so far from the truth. I now realise its because of their own issues and judgements and when I look back despite how close I thought we were it was always me doing the work, excusing their uncaring behaviour. I pray that all goes well. Hes not a healthy person, and hes extremely selfish. I have my nephews birthday party coming up next weekend and my ex and his mistress is supposed to be attending and I feel like Im not going to be able to control my actions if I attend. So I let my anger and hatred go, not so he and my family can be happy. My fathers memorial service was last weekend. Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. Your Date Isn't Interested in You There is a difference. My ex-husband was mentally abusive to me, I finally divorced hi, and it makes me sick my family is still kind to him. Have you thought of hosting your own get together? When you think youre the only one, it can be a lonely place. You cant make people comply your wishes. Not even any point trying to reason with anyone lacking in any true understanding, remorse or basic psychological knowledge so best to just ignore these entities and hope they rebirth as something worth discussing, Totally unacceptable and hurtful! But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. By this time my ex was going thru the motions of pretending to want me to get back with my daughter, but it was smoke and mirrors. You are foremost his Aunt and family so your feelings should come first. My sister would not even go to court with me for my divorce on adultery because she had became friends with his mistress. Someone who gets off on power and control. We were ok with that, it was what we were used to and there was only conflict when he was around. Im remarried and that does not sit well with my current husband either. My two surviving children encouraged me to divorce their father. You need to voice your feelings and they should not come second where your ex is concerned. Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! Perhaps you could suggest that? 17 Signs Youre Still in Love With Your Ex, I Want Him to Miss Me: How to Make Him Miss You Bad And Love You More, How to Give A Boyfriend Space Without Losing Him (And Without Worry), Ask a Guy (Dating Tips / Relationship Advice for Women): Frequently Asked Questions. No , you are not unreasonable, your family are betraying you , everyone can understand how you feel when your family pick your ex and his girlfriend over you , you dont have to take all that unnecessary pressure if you see they continue stop hanging out with them , I know it is hard but believe me you will feel better after a while, I was in your situation too and I couldnt believe how my trust and love were betrayed and took long time to get over my feelings for my family but it is over and I feel much better. Such a slap in the face! The ex has lied and charmed our former friends and my only sisters husband into believing him. We werent around family. My heart breaks for her everyday. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
\n<\/p>

\n<\/p><\/div>"}, {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/59\/Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/59\/Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-3-Version-2.jpg\/aid8297670-v4-728px-Deal-with-Friends-Who-Invite-Themselves-over-Without-Asking-Step-3-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"