Its the one on the other side. For instance, people may become defensive when confronted with accusations or questions about their actions due to feelings of guilt. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. Ask questions with genuine interest, and try to understand why they feel defensive. Maybe it would be best to start by just doing it yourself. What are some healthy ways to handle defensiveness? The marriage rate declined significantly between 1990 and 2021. Why Anger Makes a Wrongly Accused Person Look Guilty For some, the fear of being alone can result in a compulsive pursuit of dating and relationships. I'll go back and include that detail in the next draft. When someone is overly defensive, it often means that that person is afraid that criticism or confrontation may be coming their way and so they immediately put up walls to ward it off. Level up your tech skills and stay ahead of the curve. Overall, defensiveness is often seen as a normal trauma response, and it is something that can be managed with steps such as seeking professional help or making conscious choices to be more open and receptive to others. Let us delve into the depths of the human psyche to unravel the intricate motivations behind defensiveness. Defensiveness can also be caused by feeling inadequate or inferior, which can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, and a need to control the situation. What does it mean when someone gets really defensive? Understanding defensive behavior and its underlying causes can help us navigate challenging situations with empathy and understanding. In many cases, these issues can stem from past experiences that a person has had and are carrying with them into the present. The two most important steps of an "ideal conflict" are protest and repair. I smile and nod in hopes that the person will stop. This inclination toward shifting blame can be seen in anyone from young children to grown adults. We've always remained friends, but I was nervous to tell you because I wasn't sure how you would feel about it.". Defensiveness is usually born out of fear of rejection or judgment, says Anna Poss, a licensed clinical professional counselor in Chicago. And, luckily, theres a simple way to do that. According to John Gottman, its one of four patternscriticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewallingthat lead to divorce. Facebook image: Estrada Anton/Shutterstock. When Can You Claim Self-Defense in Pennsylvania? It can also take the form of defensive driving when one person speeds up to prevent another from passing them on the road. They are uncomfortable with feelings in general and managing their own. Even if you're not sure how you feel, responding like this in the moment defuses the situation and helps you avoid seeming defensive. They may be trying to deflect attention away from the accusation and avoid further scrutiny. People who fall in love quickly are more attracted to toxic personalities. Let us explore some of these factors and their impact on the complex dance of defensiveness. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. A defensive body language position may be a sign that a person is uncomfortable with their current situation and is trying to protect themselves. They can give you the tools you need to cope and succeed without getting defensive. Maybe theyre too busy explaining that you misunderstood. How to talk to someone who always gets defensive. Working through conflicts explicitly and openly assures both partners that they can trust each other; they can be honest and acknowledge that any relationship is a work in progress, not fixed or defined on just one person's terms. 1. Self-defense is found in 18 Pa.C.S. Take some space. Defensive behavior can inhibit meaningful communication between people, create an atmosphere of fear, and impede progress in all areas of life. When someone gets quickly and unjustifiably defensive, that individual sends a clear and intense message: "Back off; youre wrong.". Defensiveness is a coping mechanism that involves attacking others to divert attention away from one's faults and insecurities. This question unveils a labyrinth of complexities, entangling psychology, communication, and self-preservation. Authoritarian parenting refers to a rigid, controlling, and punishing style of parenting. Many people experience problems in a professional or personal relationship, but some relationships are undeniably more unhealthy than others. If you dont like your partners defensiveness, make sure that youre not causing it by being critical. Don't shift to other parts too soon. Is it wrong to defend yourself when you believe yourself to be innocent? Research by Leslie John shows how easy it is to make the wrong call. Clinical Psychologist. Defensive individuals often have control and power issues, and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable as a threat. Yes, defensiveness can be a sign of guilt even if the person is innocent. At their root, all defensive behaviors have this in common: sending a message to the other person that what the person is saying is wrong or a problem. Youll be addressing the solution, not just the problem. The focus of this post is to consider one characteristic, defensiveness, and the impact it has on others in close relationships. Although this response is often seen as a natural way to cope with trauma, it can also be counterproductive in some cases. 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