Grandpa is a former cop. tldr: dad thought I wasnt his kid and left me. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9ytrw0/family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i_wasnt_my/. Grandpa is the man, always had my back, we got a lawyer and are looking to settle. I think probably the money is the mother's money which means that the dad very likely turned a blind eye to her sleeping around for access to the cash. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! BTW thank you for informing. It's never "just physical." Cheating is fueled by emotion, I don't care what anyone else says. Family left me (18M) when they thought I wasn't my dad's son - Reddit tldr: won't be pals with dad and brother. Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring award-winning actress Chrissy Metz, shares how to heal childhood trauma, safeguard your mental health, and how to get comfortable when faced with difficult emotions. I am my dad's bio son, but my older brother is NOT! Privacy Policy. Doubtful. But grandpa made a point that I need to stop trying to decide how I'll feel in the future. The older you get, the less distinction you see between the behavior of teens and grown adults. Why on earth is everyone taking it out on the kid like he has any control of who his biological parents are? Growing Up Without Siblings: Adult Only Children Speak Out Honestly I think the father always knew and accepted he was in an open relationship but the truth about the wife sleeping around got out to his friends and his family so he had to put on a show of being outraged over "cheating". How to respond Extra support Takeaway Most family dynamics involve some degree of manipulation. All rights reserved. But it's been four years and he was really shitty to me all this time, so I dont really want to be his pal. Cause truth is you can never know. They are my family, and the fact that I'm not genetically related to them does not change that. The father is the only one OP knew and cared about, she should have tried to keep their relationship. what i don't understand is why the brother would suddenly treat his brother as an outcast. So I decided to stand by my "fuck no, I don't wanna talk to them". Yeah but there's a whole labeling protocol that we follow in the lab when relabeling specimens. I keep hearing that they're family, and I ought to hear them out and give them a chance or I'll regret it later. Now, it turns out I am his kid and he wants to be in my life again. The older brother would be old enough to decide where he wants to live. Yeah they have a different last name than I do. He was a huge bully for years, even hit me once. i don't think i'll ever understand how you can just uninstall and reinstall years of love and history like that. I read through that whole wall of text and wow. That man has a heart of gold and deserves so many things. The only possibility would be if they had lost a lawsuit and were being forced by the court to re-examine a subset of their test results. tldr: dad thought I wasnt his kid and left me. here's just one of the relevant ones. But it's been four years and he was really shitty to me all this time, so I dont really want to be his pal. Why would they even be back-checking that shit? (Children, stability, other logistics can make staying and working it out a logical decision.) He called my mom and told her that, from now on, if anyone wanted to reach me, they'd have to go through him. Labs are run be regular people, especially smaller companies. Turns out it was his lab result stuff whatever with my name on it. Listen to the Ian King . For example, pining for an old lover likely isn't the healthiest thing for you in the long run. It's absolute shit of people telling him to give 'family' a chance. Grandpa's the only sane adult in this mess. The worst part is he actually still talked to mom during those 4 years (stuff about my brothers and all) but he literally didnt want to look at me. But your father? It really started to become an issue with genetic counseling for inherited diseases, and even more so now such widespread genetic testing on sites like 23&me. 'I Hate My Family:' What to Do If You Feel This Way - Verywell Mind It makes me every bit as angry as the stories of grandparents who play favorites with genetic grandchildren over adopted grandchildren. tldr dad thought I wasn't his kid, left, turns out I am his kid, so he wants to be pals again, and I want him gone, UPDATE 1: Family left me (18M) when they thought I wasn't my dad's son but now they want to get back in touch, (3 Years ago) UPDATE LINK : Right? I think it's not unreasonable that an early lab might've messed up the original results, and a later test (with the benefit of years of stricter handling and better developments of interpreting the results) just ended up revealing the truth. Like. I guess it's a good thing I recognized I didn't have any as I can now break that cycle in my family and try to emulate OP's grandfather to the best of my abilities. I figure that this is akin to unplanned adoption. Grandpa is the only one who will be having the new one, I asked him not to share and I know he wont. Originally posted by u/turnsoutinsane on r/relationship_advice. edit - o, before I forget. Do I sound unreasonable when I say, thanks, but fuck no, thanks? It was Nov. 3, 2017, and the target was Jos Manuel Villarejo Prez, a former government spy. You have to make decisions now, based on feelings and info you have now. There are actually two updates; the first is not included in this post and is the one you describe, the final one is included in this post in its entirety. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9ytrw0/family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i_wasnt_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share, https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9zppp6/update_family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share, https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/adkg4u/update_family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. That seems perfectly possible, especially considering a person likely has to take the labels from the printer and apply them to the vials. OP, ask the OOP to put talking pigeons in it. "Women are often the ones being ignored when they ask for rights to help everyone else.". and our Some people were asking about what my siblings were like. younger brother is cool, I'd rather not talk about him here, another edit - I read the comment section to grandpa, I had to explain what OG is and he now wants to watch Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul lol, but we thank you for all the love. I want nothing to do with them. He was baby-momma's father's apprentice before he passed. He just really likes being a Dad and has a soft spot for abandoned kids. Making new friends, communicating, and building self-confidence can help keep those . My parents may not have conceived me, but they raised me and gave me a good upbringing. Wisdom is for the chefs on Thanksgiving. but how do you flip flop between something as damning as "you aren't my son and i want nothing to do with you" to "the microcellular organelles have been righted! Some even thought other people avoided them because of their family problems. Cross the bridge when I get to it and all. (Sorry, don't remember the source.) Obviously baby momma is beyond helping, but I hope those kids see what a man their older brothers dad is and follow his example. we may continue our relationship as father and child." I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Turns out it was his lab result stuff whatever with my name on it. He came to my sister's college graduation and referred to Frank as his step-husband. The full posts and some comments really make this story 1000x better! tldr: dad thought I wasnt his kid and left me. Now, it turns out I am his kid and he wants to be in my life again. In a way. She did dope during all her pregnancies. He will be triple checking it now with another lab but I mean FUCK, the settlement has a confidential disclosure clause something on details so I will not be speaking about this ever ever in all ever again cause it's damn good money, so shush, but I had to share this BECAUSE FUCKING LOOOOOOOOL, If anybody is keeping score, I now believe in karma. I'm really sorry, when I first saw OP's profile I only got 2 posts. First children and last children are the least likely, so the fact its the older brother isnt that surprising. Left to her own devices seems about the worst you can do to her. UPDATE Family Dumped & Absed Me When They Thought I Wasn't - YouTube Apr 16 '22 The eldest son not being related to the father is the just gravy, savory gravy. Now, I don't need legal advice on this. Turpin sisters describe living in 'house of horrors': 'I thought I was Exactly what I was thinking. Not based on feelings and info you MIGHT have later. But at the same time that kid knows only you as daddy for his whole life and now youre completely gone. Click below to listen now. It's normal to wonder what someone is up to or to think about old times fondly. Only nobody leaves me be. I am my dad's bio son, but my older brother is NOT! Every single child is treated equally by both fathers, and all of their extended family. Plus extended family presents too. smells fishy af imo. And unless the techs are perfect human beings, theyre going to make mistakes. Them mixing up samples is approximately as likely as a University awarding a random person a Ph.d by accident. Cause truth is you can never know. Heres the first update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9zppp6/update_family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i/. A small amount of a white powdery substance was found in the White House on Sunday evening, according to a person familiar with the episode, and an initial . 21:45:57 Zelenskyy warns Macron of 'dangerous provocations' at Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant Volodymyr Zelenskyy says he has warned Emmanuel Macron about "dangerous Russian provocations" at the the Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant. Villarejo's name had been circulating in the Spanish press for years. I've worked with him for about a decade. He cant talk about it more bc of the non disclosure agreement as part of the settlement. I wish every grandpa ever was like that. Earlier today, Russia said it down a cruise missile near the city of Kerch in Crimea. Family members are easy targets to toxic people - and emotional abusers - because they . Trashy like a soap opera but very heart warming. I wish them both good fucking luck, but I want none of it. In OOP's account's comments he said it was his maternal grandpa, Mothers father, its in one of OOPs comments, I only read this short post and none of it affected me but I just read that and instant tears jfc Shakespeare couldn't write a better line. Yep. Thank you for mentioning. Thank you all for the advice, but I decided to go with my gradpa's (which was kind of the same most of you gave me) and I'll be standing my ground. I don't trust them. Last kid because they've gotten the hang of it. Cool right. Which is fucking weird cause he looks like dad, maybe mom has a type. The U.S. Coast Guard said "presumed human remains" recovered from the sub's wreckage would undergo analysis by medical professionals. Email By Jennifer Rosenberg Updated on March 06, 2017 Anne Frank Goes Into Hiding (1942): Thirteen-year-old Anne Frank had been writing in her red-and-white-checkered diary for less than a month when her sister, Margot, received a call-up notice around 3 p.m. on July 5, 1942. Not really. They can also be emotional for example, what you decide to share with a family member or certain topics that aren't up for discussion. Find the people in your live that are stable and treat you right and make them your family. The comment comparing him to Clint Eastwood made his day! Awful treatment of someone just bc they either arent fully related or arent related at all feels like an irrevocable harm done to a person who didnt ask to be put in the position theyre in. We were really tight before, and the shit he did to me, I swear, had I been bigger at the time, I would have punched him hard, more than once. You missed one of the updates in-between the two you've got here. The kid is 16 now. I keep hearing that they're family, and I ought to hear them out and give them a chance or I'll regret it later, and that the only reason I wont talk to them is cause I'm a teen and stupid or some other shitty explanation. Archived post. But it's been four years and he was really shitty to me all this time, so I dont really want to be his pal. Great research on this subject doesn't exist since its usually something people actively try to hide and there isn't really a market for torpedoing otherwise happy families. He got a settlement from the lab so it was their mistake. I find that sickening. But grandpa made a point that I need to stop trying to decide how I'll feel in the future. My mom, like I, also valued virtue. This should be required reading for all the redditors who demand them for "peace of mind" when they themselves acknowledge they have no reason to suspect their wives cheated. They abandoned you without a care so why would YOU want any of them in your life Do I sound unreasonable when I say, thanks, but fuck no, thanks? They're in their 50s now. We fell out of touch. I don't think the technical details will matter a lot, so I'll get right down to business.4 years ago, dad found out my mom had a life long affair (more than. A friend of mine is a great dad to his baby-momma's four kids. This is a repost. Oh man, I would LOVE to know the brother's and dad's reactions to this. I never understand this. Go to OOPs profile to read the whole uodate. Mom left after a while and I just hugged my old man like life depended on it, and he just said something like "enough now, no need for that, I'm your family, family doesn't leave. Meghan describes a lonely childhood shuttling between her mother's home in California and her dad's. Harry's story is not just sad, but tragic: The second son born to Diana, who died in a car crash. So dad leaves mom, divorces her, moves out, takes both my siblings with him. He looks at me and says I'm his piece, so he's not letting go and fuck it. Right now, Im disgusted by dad and brother. During this time certain family members may seek to regain a sense of control any way they can. Toxic Family: Letting Go of Family & Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members If your family routinely pushes or completely ignores any boundaries that you have set, it can feel like a clear sign of disrespect. He called my mom and told her that, from now on, if anyone wanted to reach me, they'd have to go through him. Suing the lab for incorrectly reporting DNA results. edit - o, before I forget. He looks at me and says I'm his piece, so he's not letting go and fuck it. Hence not their fault. I wanted to read his comments so I followed his user name. Mark has not paid for a brake job since. Not me tho. To be honest I would tell them to go forth and multiply . I've been really annoyed lately cause a lot of people around me keep saying I'm a crazy teen and I'll regret it. There, I said it. And I even think there is a chance they might be doing this (reaching out) just for optics and money. Usually we make it work around plan E. I operate on "ok if I throw this idea out there we don't have no idea, we just need a better one than THIS.". Family Isn't Always Forever: When It's Time to Say Goodbye and not to mention it isn't the kids fault if the parent cheats. Do I sound unreasonable when I say, thanks, but fuck no, thanks? 285 Illustration by Tomi Um I am in my early 60s and have two older brothers. I figured it made more sense they screwed up the samples rather than tested the sample poorly. If you love your kids only because they are yours, then you fucking dont, you only love yourself and they will grow up to notice one day. With his contagious and everlasting smile, most would never have known Matthew struggled deeply. Yeah I assume they went after the lab. He is a retired cop, so he's really badass and has zero patience for bullshit, my new number is safe. I was torn early on bc I get it. Last I looked I think current thinking from genetic counseling community is closer to 1-3%, but that also includes donor sperm, undisclosed adoption, and other events not necessarily infidelity. Every good story needs dinosaurs. LOOOOL so mom goes INSANE, and starts telling him that it's none of his business and that this is between me and my dad, so grandpa goes something like "if anybody shows up at my lawn to disturb the boy, I'll get the cops, a restraining order and a shotgun". I keep hearing that they're family, and I ought to hear them out and give them a chance or I'll regret it later, and that the only reason I wont talk to them is cause I'm a teen and stupid or some other shitty explanation. Well. By Jen Hinkkala I wrote this letter to my extended family years after I chose to become estranged from my parents because many of them cut me out of their lives instead of reaching out to hear my side of the story. I'm sorry I can't remember more details, but your comment reminded of what I read, and I just wanted to share! I'm Leaving My Family | Psychology Today When OP was explaining the lab situation I figured from the start that they had mixed up the samples. My brother refused to pay anymore and broke off all contact with with my nephew. And what type of horrible person can flip on such a dime that he can just stop loving the child he raised because the kid doesn't share his DNA? 2) Listen to the grandpa, that is what a family does and should do. I stay behind with mom, who hits a new low finding herself alone, and we both become pretty much outcasts as far as most of the family is concerned. It doesnt have to make sense to us. Now, it turns out I am his kid and he wants to be in my life again. 3 likes. 4 years ago, dad found out my mom had a life long affair (more than one, but that's another story). Grandpa is the shit. My story is kindda over. Grandpa is a good man :'c poor oop I cant imagine having such a severe change in behaviour from family to now treating you like its your fault your mum is a cheater and your dad naively assuming she hasnt continued cheating with a heavy track record behind her and then abandoning you as if any of it is your fault just ugh. I am not the original poster. Glad there's some karma here, but I feel for OOP during this. Being Ignored Quotes About Feeling Neglected - The Random Vibez I'll be moving to another city soon and decided to change my number. First kid-not kid because mother needed a father for her kid. I realized we were working on multiple people before my preceptor because the gender on the screen changed after he scanned the third specimen. 18 was also the last time I saw my father. It doesnt make sense then? I hope they have many years with grandpa and the settlement is good. What My Parents Did to Me and Why I Cut Them Out of My Life I am not the original poster. Not me tho. If my feelings change, I will deal with that when they do. I'm good. That's pretty terrible. If my feelings change, I will deal with that when they do. So. But that time (4 years ago), he found out me and my two siblings might not be his kids, considering time of affair. Used to work for an urgent care that sent out samples, its very easy to mess up samples if you dont follow procedure. He was rumored to have had . Family says I'll regret not giving him a chance, and I came to the internet for perspective. Do what you think and feel is right, right now and do it without regrets. What a sweet update. The lab that ran the DNA tests, I assume. I was thinking there must have been a mixed up sample or it's a story made up by someone who doesn't know how DNA works. He died by suicide in July of 2019. That was actually when it became more plausible to me- a lab screwing up a DNA test in such a way that it looks like someone is 50% related to one reference sample (mum) and 0% related to the other (dad) when it should be 50/50 doesn't make sense. But that time (4 years ago), he found out me and my two siblings might not be his kids, considering time of affair. That ending feels a little too good to be true that the brother that was mean to oop just happened to be the one with the mixed up results turned out to be the outcast. But he got a beer, came back and asked if "there were more people saying stuff". Preanalytical errors are the biggest source of error in the lab, this is why we barcode and scan everything. He replaced joists and put in new tile. "I knew I would . Not the man I'm named after. All rights reserved. I wasn't really gonna post an update on this, cause I don't see the point. If you care enough about your partner, you won't cheat. He says he wanted to spare them the shame of losing their New Jersey mansion and to make sure they got to heaven. After my father died, I thought of a phrase Dan Savage likes to repeat: " There's your biological family, and there's your logical family .". Yup! Submissions in this sub are re-posts and not posted by the original author. So mom showed up at his place (I've been living with him for a while) and tries to talk to me, but grandpa says she has to talk to him first, so he can DECIDE whether she is allowed to talk to me or not. Might help that he's adopted so he just doesn't put as much stock in blood relation. This is a repost. Some people were asking about what my siblings were like. Archived post. Reminder: I am not the original poster. I will never understand parents who can raise a child for x years (14 in this case?) Settlement is because their mistake was not a good just "oops" thing. My older brother was particularly mean to me. Need help with your relationship? My heart literally melted when his grandpa looked at him and said, Im his piece, so hes not letting go This grandpa is the ultimate ride and die guy! But it's been four years and he was really shitty to me all this time, so I dont really want to be his pal. Well, I has a grandpa that is as old as a dinosaur, has the heart of a puppy and the bite of a cobra. Some people never grow up. i believe the original story since I've worked with assholes like the dad, but the perfect karmaic retribution and money payout that we get to learn all about despite an apparent NDA that covers any proper details to help legitimize the ending? If all the samples were collected at the same time, it's far more likely that the collector switched the labels than the lab. Crazy how they are playing the regret card when the brother and father didn't even consider it for those 4 years. Grandpa is awesome. Scan this QR code to download the app now. And I even think there is a chance they might be doing this (reaching out) just for optics and money. He called my mom and told her that, from now on, if anyone wanted to reach me, they'd have to go through him. Such parent behavior . [Update] Family left me (18M) when they thought I wasn't my dad's son but now they want to get back in touch, starts here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9ytrw0/family_left_me_18m_when_they_thought_i_wasnt_my/, As a followup FYI to anybody who wants to play devil's advocate and go oh but the father was hurt and betrayed, its worth checking OOP's comments anyway but OOP goes into pained detailed explaining how his father forgave his mom for cheating then proceeded to funnel all his pain and grief onto a child so dont even waste the time. (I work in a lab. Opinion: Yes, Harry and Meghan aired grievances. But there's - CNN