But the comparison you put is really not helpful to the OP. So if you wanna stay in and do your thing, please do. and our We have gone up and down with this whole thing, and it has even come down to me getting so upset that i insist I will end the relationship if it doesn't change (I would NOT recommend this strategy if you are not prepared to follow through, as I wasn't, because it is manipulative and will not help at all). He has friends that cheatyou choose your friends right? Here are 15 things I have learned by being the only sober person around. My BF (30M) and I (30F) have been dating 15 months, living together for 7 months. Sorry I should have said we live together. You are enabling his behavior. He said oops, sorry, and he'd be home in a bit. His priority is what he is doing now and I would suggest you listen to all posters above who mean well and have more experience. This is going to be long.Let me just start out by saying I am 23 and it took me 22 years to finally realize how absolutely terrible my mother is & has been my entire life. However, if your husband comes home late often, you'll need to tell him firmly to inform you beforehand, because keeping you waiting every day is disrespectful of him. He mentioned that he had been wallowing all day Sat and felt really bad, but Ive heard all the apologies and guilt before and it never changes. I also dont call to check up on him. I like to play them too sometimes. I have a hard time sleeping without him which is not his fault, but the other (and main) issue is that I want us to spend time together, eat together etc. It's common courtesy - the respect you give your partner in a relationship. My boyfriend will go every few weeks with his friends and stay out late with little contact. Think about that. I just feel really distant from him and unhappy and hate to be alone. I just wanted to share, because I also have a gamer boyfriend whom I also happen to love very much. The next morning he apologized and promised to update me the next time. Sure, he didn't want to grow up yet but I was pregnant, why couldn't he go out sometimes? He would be gone if that were me! All rights reserved. Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. He is not bf material and I would not be surprised if he is in fact cheating, no wonder you are anxious - perfectly normal reaction. I can't relate cuz I would have left ages ago. My absolute truth is that I want us on the same schedule for the reasons listed above. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! You aren't married so it's not like it's the family nam. Kick him to the curb. Then he sleeps all day and repeat. 2023 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. told him he is either all in to being a dad or one of the boys he cant be both. For more information, please see our My head, my neck, my jaw, and really, my entire body was on fire. [1] I do have some trust issues and I have come across photos on his phone of other women (some porn or model shots but also regular girls and even a friend of mine from Facebook, but we are learning to get over that and he has apologised and we have attended counselling), so it does bother me when he is out late. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Going to bed at different times. Im hoping to find a remote job so My Estranged mother is coming to surprise me. Point being, there is no advice that can be given to you to change this situation because it's been going on the whole time you've been together, he has never cared about your feelings about it, and there is nothing you can say or do to make him care. This can take up to one week, but it's possible. Hi there, I respect all that as I like to do the same. I'll try to make this as concise as possible. what if you go into labor? Broke up with boyfriend because he stayed out all night He was kind enough to invite me to live at his place. If it doesn't improve things go down hill from there. You have to trust him because you have no choice. You will be upset with yourself in 3 years from now when you are the one primarily raising them and they have his name instead of yours. He was just like me when in love wanting to be together & he has come straight home to me for 30 years! The problem is, he will be up till 6am on days that i'll go to sleep and go to sleep extremely early on days i stay up late. I know it's asking for a lot, but when I hear him talk about marriage or even kids it's makes me so happy to picture of life with him. It was the hardest thing for me to do but I did it! Cookie Notice I love hanging out with my buddies at bars or do something fun Friday and Saturday night. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! I always thought it was common courtesy in a relationship (particularly cohabitating) to let the other person know if youre not going to be home when the other person is likely expecting you. Currently, my boyfriend stays up until 9/10am drinking. So, I hadnt eaten when after a couple hours I asked him where he was. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and one of things he does that really annoys me is when he goes out drinking he doesn't come home until about 6pm the following evening. He will either shape up and prove it to you or he will leave like he would have done anyway. At 3:30am (2 hours later!!) New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The lack of his own motivation has lead to decrease in sex, a social life, and caused some concerning amount of weight gain. No he dosen't always know when he'll be home, nor should he, he's having a good time not worrying about the damn clock! If he wants to act single and be out drinking all night then he can be single. Or sign in with one of these services. 7 Bedroom Behaviors That Could Be Killing Your Marriage Heads up, this won't work if you're conked out by 10PM and your partner stays up until 3AM. I now feel really solid in my decision to end the relationship. I have several strings of texts from the following weekends, telling me hes with a buddy and will be leaving in an hour. I guess it's not his whereabouts, I don't care where he is.. but just a text or call to say he will be home late especially as we have argued over this on numerous occasions and I feel he isn't respecting my feelings. Quora - A place to share knowledge and better understand the world Reddit, Inc. 2023. You certainly deserve a damn phone call or a damn text. He will generally go out to meet friends and text early in the night to say hello etc. BF stays out all night I know he must feel a little trapped by the fact that he's space has, in a sense, been invaded. What joy does he give you? Yes it's just a Saturday night. I once suggested he start staying at his place if he was going to be up so late (bc it keeps me up from the game/tv/him going in and out to smoke) and he blew up and felt like I was trying to break up with him. I don't hear from him at all when he is out even if I txt when saying I am worried he doesn't answer back. after that he was at my house helping out until i fell asleep and then back at breakfast. He has to respect me. This is unacceptable. Better to kick him out then to be used and mistreated by someone who doesn't even love you. Next time he wants to go out, say no. Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. I feel guilty taking him away from what he enjoys, but I feel alone. Gradually he was on it every single night of the week for hours on end. People don't change. I had to endure the break up to be available. Yeah, more than likely he is cheating or going to far with the girls he meets while out with his boys. Boyfriend stays up all night! If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. If you're high risk, the extra stress isn't good for you or those twins you're carrying. The time to leave is now, not when his behavior escalates and you are married, with two kids, and you are financially depdneantbon him. Sorry, night owl/early bird couples: Differing sleep schedules may seem like no big thing, but it's more harmful than you realize, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a psychotherapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes to the Relationship You've Always Wanted. Join the conversation! I would suggest that you stop "waiting wasting your entire day". I just don't know what to do anymore, so I would really appreciate any advice on this especially if you've been though something similar to this situation. How Having an Alcoholic Parent Can Affect a Child. Be more selective next time though. I wake up a round 2am and will text or call, sometimes to no answer. Now if this was every weekend or every few nights, then yea, I'd be concerned,but it is not. I suspect there is a lot more going on here and that you have been really wearing on him more than what is revealed here. Here are 9 signs that you should keep swiping. That's our time together. He just came home now at 9:30am and said he f**ked up, he took 2 xanax pills and passed out in his car in the front of our apartment building. 1 What are your thoughts on this subject in general? and our That's not what's happening with her. We are in a loog-distance relationship right now, as I am a full time college student 4 hours away, so most of our problems have to do with him playing while we're on the phone and being very distracted, or not taking time out of his games to talk to me. Reddit, Inc. 2023. He is 26 and I am 22. Theyre all getting piss drunk. BaileyB said: If you are home, and your boyfriend is partying out late with his friends, you have every right to know where he is and what time you can expect him home. Don't let him treat you this way any longer. I don't think that he is cheating but it certainly crosses my mind at the early hours of the morning, when I don't hear from him and he comes home drunk in early hours - particularly as his friends are single and those in relationships have been known to cheat. Edit: UPDATE After being out til 4am Friday night (last text was at 1:30 that he was leaving soon, but instead he party-hopped) I told him I needed space and went to my parents for all of Sat and overnight. You deserve more! and our If your husband is coming home late, then changing the vibe of the relationship might help in correcting the course. But how can any of that happen if we can't stop arguing over this? No matter what he is putting you in a bad situation that he shouldn't be if he actually cares about you or those babies at all. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Boyfriend stayed out late with friends, is it okay to feel upset? When he goes out to his buddies, let him be by himself. I don't mind staying up late (like 2 or 3 am) but he stays up till 5,6,7,8am+ sometimes. Basically: How would you feel if your SO stayed out all night drinking and didn't come home until 6-7am the next morning (unplanned)? 156 Answers Last Updated: 12/03/2022 at 3:12pm 1 Tip to Feel Better Moderated by Graham Barrone, ICHP, MCBT Counselor If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat. It's never too late. Even if I do sleep, theres been several times he has then woken me up at 3, 4 in the morning when he comes in. If you dont like the decisions he is making, your best decision is to leave. He's done this more then I can count on both hands throughout my pregnancy. But that's life. I do like having time to myself but I enjoy his company as well. I have been there and done that! I don't know what to do, I feel like I don't want to be with him anymore because of the way he acts like he doesn't care. I'm a guy like your boyfriend. And this isnt a buddy he needs to catch up with, they see each other weekly. We're both 26. I know that doesn't mean he will. Hear why . I'm just really fed up with him and feel like he doesn't even deserve to have me give the twins his last name. Thats also the reason Im always home while hes out. You do know you are 100% responsible for what you bring into your life, right? So, as far as I can see, both sides are right AND wrong as well. It's loss me off but I'd just sit him down and let him have one night a weekend to do that. About once a week, during the work week, he stays out. If you live together & he knows you don't sleep well when he's out, then he's just irresponsible & uncaring. All rights reserved. He also had taken photos of women's bums without their knowledge on a constant basis, randomly in public and described it as almost a compulsion, which he promised he knocked on the head after i found out. That's reckless. I texted home soon hey? He said he was on his way home. What do you think he is doing to be staying out until 6am? Being out until 6am makes me think he is spending the night with someone and then coming home in the am, This is not a good situation and if he doesn't help you now then he won't help you anyway when the babies come. 3 months was all I can take of him saying he'd be home early but not coming back until 2am, 3am or even the next day. Its worth mentioning that weve been in lockdown, and hes not supposed to be partying with others anyway. I can see yall's point but I don't want to break up with him though. Apparently, drinking is like sitting on the TV remote's volume up button, except drunk people are . I have on several occasions seen photos of naked and soft porn images on his phone and downloaded photos of my friend from FB the night after he met her with me in the pub. I am 34 and he is 32. Any advice? So I go to bed and he'll stay up playing when I get up for work he is coming to bed. It's too late now that I love him and can't seem to walk away. Family - Relationship Health: boyfriend staying out all night I want to be supportive but it's hard sometimes. They'll only change themselves when they find someone worth doing it for. I am not going all the way like the girls, but I think you must decide if you can put up with this or not. Ask a Guy: Why Does He Spend So Much Time With His Guy Friends and Not The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. As for the pictures on his phone, he won't get rid of them & porn is everywhere. I guess you just can't change guys for anything. You realize that whole story is a lie, right?? Jun 17, 2017 at 4:33 AM I'm 8 months pregnant with twins and my boyfriend has been staying out all night and doesn't answer my calls or texts. But if your bedtimes differ by an hour or so, you might be able to meet halfway so you both fall asleep quickly at the roughly same bedtime. (and I seriously mean all day like 7:00pm) Even if I call him he doesn't wake up, unless his mom is home and then she wakes him up. Your scared to raise twins alone which I can understand but do you think there is any hope of him changing? If you know how any women feels you would know that wouldn't make them feel good. he also did the driving home drunk thing and I nipped that in the butt. The words "alcoholic," "alcoholism," and "alcohol abuse . It makes me feel guilty and gross sleeping that late for some reason. While I love to see him happy and meeting up with his friends, I find the same situation occurring and I don't know how to improve it. I know logics say I should keep my cool and let it go. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I have on several occasions seen photos of naked and soft porn images on his phone and downloaded photos of my friend from FB the night after he met her with me in the pub. Once, he called me from outside because he was so wasted that he left his house keys behind, and I had to let him in. Dreams Products How Separate Bedrooms Saved My Sleep. You two are in counseling, so give that time and see where it goes. Answer (1 of 3): That depends on the circumstance. I do love him and I just wish he would go to bed a little earlier. All I'm saying is that when he invites me over the next day then all he has to do is go to bed like 3 or 4 hours earlier than he usually does. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. But he just not contributing or comforting to me at all. I guess this is a little rant more than anything. If he was the one writing in, I'm sure he wouldn't like what I tell him either. However, in a dating relationship, I'd feel like my partner was trying to control me by asking about my whereabouts. Dont ever apologize for this what you are asking for is not unreasonable. And the fact that theyre by a lake where they can swim and the fact that they have fireworks just is making me worry. But now it is and I hate to say it but she was right. I am generally an anxious over thinker but i am learning to minimise that. My husband stays out all night even when he promises not There is a HUGE difference between the two. A revered and powerful female leader revealed by new method to I know, it's not great. My boyfriend [25yr/m] stays up all night playing PC games. If I wake up at 10am and him at 3pm, were not going to be on the same eating/hanging schedule at all so it doesnt feel like you just go to bed and let him stay up is an option for our relationship. 1 Try to figure out where your jealousy comes from. Skip the couple's counseling & try IC. I texted at 1am going to bed, love you. Video: See tense moment when Russian soldiers surrendered kick him to the curb. 14 Surprising Signs Your Relationship Won't Last Have you called him out on his lie? I am not asking him to come home at a particular time at all, I am simply asking that he sends a message to let me know he will be later (than the time HE set) so I know he is ok and I don't have to wake up in the middle of the night to him not there and no communication. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. I never said my husband wasn't taking care of me and wasn't a man. Sorry but that is the truth. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. All in all this adds up to incompatibility but you do need to get a handle on your anxiety. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The problem I have is that he invites me over on like a saturday and on friday night he stays up all night playing them. Why does my boyfriend stay up all night? My hubby did that to me when I was a little bit closer to my due date and I kicked him out. If he is a teenager maybe he is embarrassed to call his girlfriend when with the guys but grown men in love arent & bottom line people do what they want to do. Do you really expect him to be "out with the guys" and then say that he has to get home by 1am and not be a minute late or he's in trouble with you, and that he also has to text you to let you know he is on the way? I do so much for him and always think if him and I feel one little text isn't much to ask. Now, I don't drink alcohol at all ever, under any circumstances,so I have a bias against his drinking/partying. Staying out all night is a dealbreaker for many couples if not for bachelor party or business trips & even if drunk there are cabs, friends or you to bring him home.When people are in love with you they want to spend their time with you just like you want to be with him because you are in love with him. OMG I am sitting her ****** off cause OH is a couple of hours later than he said!! Give him a few surprises. This guy was sweet to you at first to win you over, they all do that, men & women. My sister had a baby with her boyfriend at 19 and gave the baby her last name. I suppose Gaeta because he was wonderful and polite and generous and kind when we met and I didnt imagine I would uncover the above. I didn't mean your husband wasn't a man or not taking care of you. He was at a buddy's playing video games. It can be VERY, VERY frustrating, and it has been one of the biggest sources of arguments in our relationship. 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. I [24yr/f] will admit I enjoying playing them too but not like this. So i think a text if he is staying out later than expected, isn't too much to ask. Try Meeting in the Middle. A lot of his friends are wasters and do not work so I hate him being with them anyway. The more you hassle him about it the more he will want to be away from you and the later he will stay out. What guy hangs with a guy from the night before & stays until dinner the next day? If I was you, I would ask for my money back from that Counsellor. He's not going to stop playing his video games and the more you nag the longer he'll play them. Laura Dern, right, and her mother Diane Ladd have adapted a series of their conversations into the new book Honey, Baby, Mine. He may have insomnia or is just used to being up later than you. For instance, my sister needs a full 10-12 hours. I don't think it's good advice to tell the OP to stay with someone who's going out and gone all night every night. Hang in there and be strong. I have called sick to work twice as a result. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. I had a boyfriend that tried to convince me that this guys night out was essential so imagine my surprise when i first met my husband that was changing his work schedule, moving so he could spend more time with me. Guys Am I being unreasonable/controlling, or is he being inconsiderate and selfish?? My boyfriend stays up all night So my boyfriend is a night owl and i'm the type to usually go to bed a little earlier. And yes, there is more going on. This is my first post and I guess I just want some advice from those in a similar position to me. PRW I feel your reply is very harsh and not understanding at all. Biden defends decision to send Ukraine cluster munitions. if he isnt with someone else why not answer? Boyfriend stays out late, girlfriend stays home mad Bf staying out all night and ignores me My (28F) boyfriend (28M) often stays up really late, especially when drinking. It is easy to say "go to sleep" when my mind won't. Im 20F, my boyfriend is 21M, his friends are also both 21M. Now I'm not jealous or anything, I trust him completely, but I think he's being unfair about us. I did a few times at 1st but after he started to call me and tell me whenever they decided to move the party or do something different I trusted him a ton more. AITA for Getting Mad About How Late my BF Stays Up? 16/09/2012 at 7:54 pm. Experiencing a craving for alcohol. No, your requests would not be considered unreasonable, if you were dating a mature man who treated you with respect and consideration. The heavy drinker, seemingly unaware of what is happening, become furious, resentful and enraged. Thanks for the input. Taking naked pictures I'd have to agree on. 02:11. Am I expecting too much?? That greatly changed my perspective of him. Help! Boyfriend stays up all night! Its always been an issue for me in our 4+ year relationship because I hate sleeping in till 1,2, or 3pm. Yes going out with the guys is perfectly fine, hubby doesn't need to stop drinking just because we did.. I stayed up all night worried about him, pissed off at him, pissed off at myself for putting up with it, etc. Does your husband stay out all night and never call? It's clearly not the same situation. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. On these nights, I cant sleep, because Im partially upset about the lying, and also, honestly, a bit hurt that hes been with his buddy for 7-8 hours straight (5pm-12 or 1) and still doesnt even WANT to come home to see me, so stays out another 2 hours, even at the cost of upsetting me. You need boundries for yorself, once people don't respect them you will start to lose self respect. All Rights Reserved. Thank you all for the responses.. Wife spends the night at another man's house Copyright 1997-2023 LoveShack.org. But once we found out we both had to grow up. The problem is, he will be up till 6am on days that ill go to sleep and go to sleep extremely early on days i stay up late. I feel like I'm pushing him away as he says I constantly nag him or get on his case when he goes out with friends. Joyful Parenting Sleep If Your Partner's in Bed, You Should Be, Too. I bet you your husband called you, I bet he didn't ignore you, I bet he didn't lie to you about where he was, i bet he didn't stay out until 6 am and I bet he didn't do this numerous times through your pregnancy..???? Practice The easiest way to stay up all night is to reset your internal clock.