9 Signs Of An Obsessive Ex. It depends on the kind of concern. It is next to impossible to engage when she is on it, and I feel at times that she values it more than time we can spend together. He doesnt even wait for me to wake up or cuddle me in bed anymore, hes up usually till midnight- 2am tinkering with it and then wakes up at 6 am to start messing with it more. My husband doesn't require much sleep. My husband is into mountaineering, but no matter if I try to go with him, to support him or argue and fight about it, he seem to me he will still be more interested in that than anything else, and I cannot make it anymore. He also counts steps religiously. This makes me feel uncomfortable because I dont like to draw attention to myself. Literally a 18 hr day playing bdo . Its the one thing I want for myself, however as we are saving for a house she sees it as a drain on resources. This isnt necessarily good advice, not all of it is idiotic, but most of it will be a waste of these peoples time. Sometimes very little interaction with his 6yr old daughter. Husband and his mother. Is this too much? - What to Expect 1. Answered in 1 hour by: Mental Health Professional: Nancy She gets up at 5:30 every morning, goes to the yard and rides 4 horses returning at 11am. Ive tried talking to him about it, but it always turns into a fight and of course he tells me Im a baby?! He thinks I should always come out there. I am feeling like there is no hope and that I should just give up . Man Child: Signs, Causes, and Coping With an Immature Husband Like, he needs fixes, like a drug. I was in a car accident broke my collarbone bone my hubby was so obsessed with building a fence. The Walkaway Wife Syndrome | Psychology Today He went, and spent the entire time on the couch trying to get ball games on the TV. Show your child you're listening. That didnt go very well, he isnt getting done anytime soon and he will never be done coaching High School. It must be an addictive personality and I think connected to depression as well. Facilitators My wifes hobby is quite simply her phone (and the many she can use it). This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest. 2.The information that he shares with his parents is less personal as time goes on. Step 4: Accept You Aren't Going To Forget Them. It would be good to discuss in more detail to get true concerns out on the table. Ive been with my husband almost 15 years. That may sound strange, but stay with us here. I dont know how I will ever believe him when he says he loves me. Sometimes they could suggest they're watching out for you but it's all a hoax to cover their selfishness. Ive done all the things it says in here to do. I have 3 children (pre & teen) and I thought after all the years of work and waiting for him to work on/race his car in his little spare time we could finally start enjoying some quality time on the weekend. I also appreciate the need for a get away! This started as a celebratory hike on their 50th birthday and Ive been told, will continue annually. Obsessive stalking like this can be a burden to the victim. We will be married l0 yrs in 2021 and he can go as I will qualify for survivorship benefits on SS. We have modest means and would be ready for retirement if only hunting had not drained our resources. dbosley24. Compulsive sexual behavior - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic When I talk to him, i get angry and he refuses to talk to me about it and leaves the room. 876 Experience: LMSW, CASAC Verified Honestly, it is so weird. His initial obsession with sex will come down with a passage of time. When he wakes up to go to bed, many times hes revived and wants to be intimate. She continues to make me feel like crap because I am choosing to do something with my time, and I dont feel like it fair or right of her to not be supportive of the things I want to do. He plays golf two days a weekTuesday and Saturday. 3 Stages of Obsession. In cases where you've moved on after the breakup, or even moved to another city, he has no option than to keep wishing you have your heart broken wherever you are. He is also always on his phone when he is in the house looking for parts online for it. I dont think this is exclusively something to do with men. My boyfriend of 7 years is a baseball freak/obsessed/fantasizes baseball. My husband sold his racecar last year, mainly because the track in our neighborhood closed. Thankfully he chose me. I wish I had done that. I finished my graduate program went back to work as a teacher. It is unrealistic really. If you are concerned that your son or daughter may be involved in a relationship that is abusive or violent, we encourage you to contact your local domestic violence project, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (799-7233), to find out your options to help your child to stay safe. My wife is a stay at home mom and I work full time 8-5 so the weekday nights are consumed by dinner and the kids. So, this kind of jealousy may be quite dangerous. My family cant compete. Half the time when I cook, he says hes gonna eat but doesnt OR IF hes hungry, hell make a plate and yup, u guesssed it, back to the garage. He spends almost 100% of his time working in the shop, racing, texting racing buddies, searching the internet endlessly for car parts and cars. Im up and cant sleep some I buy my own food, clothes, pay my own bills, etc. I had to smudge the room when he left and it feels so much lighter and happier. If someone is cajolling you into give something up like that, THEY are nothing but selfish. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist Do not even think of ending your life because of such events. I am on the opposite side of this issue. Im becoming resentful too because every spare moment he has hes itching to go to his friends garage and work on them. Im a new bride (older than most and its not my first rodeo). June 28, 2023. Just recently, hes taken on snow removal contracts and land clearing contacts. Or does your spouse seem worried, lonely, overwhelmed or jealous? I dread to think the amount of money hes spending. BUT weve been married for 10 years and both of us are engineers. Eliza likens finding out about her husband's secret life of sex addiction to an "earthquake". What should I do if my husband is obsessed with me? He does beautiful work around our home and is a godsend. Stepmother criticised for 'cold' routine with husband's son I never get to have free time when hes home, until he is done working. I try to support him through that as much as I can. But it is something you will just have to accept and if you can't, you have some serious thinking to do. He turned it around and told me to come with them then. Obsessed people don't see anything other than themselves and what they want. Unless he wants something . I just want to cry because I feel alone. Well his schedule has changed and we recently moved close to a course. He just wants to be home working. I get so mad when he tells me that because honestly, I dont have any hobbies! This was very sad to read especially because I am a Dad, Husband, Science Teacher, Veteran, and yes a CAR GUY. I want to be able to belong to the band as an individual, not part of a couple. I thought I would get attention from him by diving into his passion making tshirts and signs with a bow hunter on them. Don't like to share my baby / Really obsessed MIL and SIL. Have you thought of couples counseling? When were apart and at our own houses, forget it. When we first met I would go with him and I really did enjoy his passion. I have a hobby that I love. Find out how his relationship with his so-called friends is. Sometimes the greatest times of connection youll have with your spouse are when you purposefully step into his or her passion and spend a little time there instead of fighting against it. Now I cant even listen to him talk about his bow, or I get angry and honestly jealous. He started at 17 so i knew what i was getting into a little bit when marrying him. The resale value is pitiful. His hobbies vary, but hes into cars, hunting and fishing. He watches animae which is different to me. Just stuck and sad if I go sad to stay . To the entire group. Hes a bit sneaky about it too he only tells me last minute that hes going out because subconsciously he knows I wont be happy about it. what are you doing that is so interesting that I should spend time with you? At any given time in our marriage hes never had less than 3 cars and sometimes upwards of 10 a time. Its just too much. NO. My husband has always been a car fanatic since our dating days. Im tempted to quit work after I deliver so he doesnt have my income anymore and has to take a more serious look at our finances. I didnt realise the depths of it until after marriage..the lying, manipulation, stealing from me and cheating emotionally with other women.hello, my husband cheated on me. And there would still be the issue of wanting to do non-golf things with my partner: breakfast, brunch with friends, daytime stuff! He doesnt really give me an answer. Over time he has surpassed my skills in each of these departments and has discovered he enjoys doing this with other hard-core guys, particularly skiing, and almost always leaves me at home. I know the art is an addiction and family should be #1 but I feel so unfulfilled doing family stuff. This is my husband. Please pray for our marriage and for me to be able to speak to him kindly and lovingly. He does have high cholesterol at his young age and it had bad. Playing or practicing at leadt 3 nights a week and playing tournaments every weekend that take up almost all of the weekend. When you can see him switch from being happy to being sad or emotional within minutes there's a high chance he has BPD, a condition that has been linked to obsessive ex syndrome. I tried to do it lovingly with positive words trying to reassure him that I dont want him to give it up completely, just scale it down a bit, but he rolled his eyes and said So youre gonna start that again? So what do I do? . Even though they dont love you anymore, they want you to go through the same pain they went through when you left them. Sex, wife, family, friends, God, all seems secondary meanwhile he can climb a new mountain any day off he has. He turns it around and tells me to go do something to get away from the kids then. I understood children/partner come first and have given up all but one. My young kids and I come 2nd. I just want him home with us. So not only is he gone all day Monday between work and league but then he wants to play on Saturdays and sundays too. Our son hates disc golf and Im starting to too. Yes, my husband is obsessed with disc golf too. It is tough sometimes because Dads who don't live with their kids full time can seem to be total pushovers with them. I was stupidly trusting with a spouse that easily duped me. Ive started therapy. We love the Lord and each other but I have prayed for many years that God would lead us to the right books, counselors, conferences,etc. Hi I totally can relate to everyones issues. Sexual obsessions - Wikipedia She thinks this is fair because she is competing and all her money goes back into the horses. Brazil: Kidnapper drags suitcase holding girl to be his 'sex slave We really desire to treat them right and make provision for the long-term employees, etc. I was relieved because it had consumed so much of his time in the past. We have got into a few big fights over this the last few months, which makes me just resort back to my project cause I dont want to be around her at that point, which fuels the fire. People married to these individuals might complain about having an immature husband who does not behave like an adult in their relationship. He was definitely obsessed and still is, he just sprung the divorce stuff on me four days after I retired from the military he was not man enough to tell me he went to a divorce lawyer. Oh honey, he has OCPD written all over him. I fucking hate it. My past relationships have involved codependent behavior, and my friends are worried Im attracting relationships that position me to be codependent again. You wont have to worry every night whether youre going to get any attention from your spouse. He acted like he was ok my side then later says you dont even like my Mom. This infatuation stems from the fact that they havent let go after the breakup, and feel the need to keep monitoring their exs life. I told him that when i agreed he could do league I was under the impression that it would be a once a week thing and that is it. When he goes he is gone for 3-5 hours at a time. We sleep separately, no point in sleeping in the same bed with a creepy old fella that cant even bear to touch you let alone look at you, My husbands model building car obsession which now consumes him, began early in his childhood, sadly. It takes both to recognize and problem solve. No date nights. I like to plan things in advance, bot be spontaneous. Thats because those feelings of jealousy have turned into infatuation and you have become the object of his obsession. AITA for telling my husband to stop disrespecting our surrogate? Thanks for the insights! I mean jealousy itself sometimes can be cute. But there's really no need to worry about who he is dating next or worry about overly personal things. Thank you! If anyones spouse/partner are obsessed to the point of ignoring you or their children and other responsibilities they have. My boyfriend golfs non stop or works . They dont understand its not a womanits mountains, and airplanes, and cars and anything he likes doing. But our son has shown us that he can not. Come the weekend, I want to get out and work on a project. Hes not going to change or slow down. Im not married to my partner. It has definitely caused a huge rift in my marriage. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist I have given up because I am always second rate Challenge her gently, too. If you ask me, I'd say obsession doesn't let you breathe, while love makes you flourish. We both got comfortable, where we didn't have to spend much time together. Ask her to try to limit her addiction (?) She contributes nothing financially to the home, does no housework, cooking, laundry, cleaning etc at all. Kidnapper told 12-year-old she would be his sex slave. We have two boys that he likes to sit in front of a smart phone or computer when Im not around to monitor. Tan France Says Son Is 'Obsessed' with Trucks, Jokes He Somehow 'Raised Leave a comment and let us know! My husband is obsessed with his 12 year old son. I met him Why not be a part of something your spouse enjoys, in some way? They both work full time and I dont mind doing things like cooking for my family and keeping things clean. He says he understands and that he agrees its too much, but the he goes and does it anyway. Ill keep looking and will try out a few things Im sure. This has been upsetting my wife because she wants to spend time with me and go out on dates and do fun things, and views me picking a house project over her and/or the kids.- She views me working in the yard as an inconvenience also and she makes me feel guilty or like Im walking on egg shells around her during these times. However, the worst part is if he shows any aggressive behaviors towards the kids, family members of you when things dont go his way. Although he obtains sponsorship money to fund most of the event costs, it still seems to dip into our coffers. In other cases, theyll try to sabotage any genuine relationship you have in hopes to get you dependent on them even after the breakup. Hope things are better for you. Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you? This is called borderline personality disorder (BPD) in medical terms. NO, he doesnt even buy me a tank of gas when Some might even go the extra mile to get you back just to break your heart in order to fulfill their desires. I thought we were bonding it was great. I dont know what to do to resolve this situation. I think one to two hours for 3-4 times a week is reasonable. When we got into our relationship i knew he loved baseball but he also showed me the love and time that i needed to keep going forward with his baseball. Most of the channel all their energy and emotions into obsessing and pursuing one particular person that they fail to develop healthy friendships with other people. I have joined him hundreds of times just so tired of the selfishness. I have a question. But an obsessive partner would break these boundaries and start feeling entitled, living with the idea that the relationship never ended. My husband is obsessed with his 7 year old son..he offers not disciple, no guide lines.I am concerned as they take bubblebaths together.this little boy is disrespectful and thinks he runs the house. Im just the house keeper and hes the lodger. The issue is a difference of values when it comes to balance in relationships. I also have met some wonderful people that have become my friends. I can always make more money.. This is our constant fight. He phones her every day, sends her pictures of our LO all the time (I have seen their convos on his phone), whenever anything is happening with us, he immediately says 'well what about my mom?'. Men are very competitive even with themselves. So i had to live with him for two months at home with our girls before he took off to Fort Carson for his dream job in the Army , it was a living hell. Even after a breakup, they always feel the need to stay close and have access to your life. Potential husband puts girlfriend last, helps adult children first Sorry for the book but it felt good to write this all out. We spend less and less time together and our communication isnt great because of all of this. You should find an Autism disorders family support group. That means theres zero chance of him knowing youre checking up on him. On the rare day she gets the afternoon off, she still has to be back at the yard by 4pm to give them dinner. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 His attitude when he tells me he is going is smug, like announcing he is doing something incredibly significant. I am glad its not an addiction to women or drugs But this is equivalent to gambling. He can not tolerate seeing me not work on a project or chore while hes working. So glad to hear from other women going through the same. What to Do When Hobbies Steal Your Spouse - SYMBIS Assessment Anything that causes someone to spend a massive amount of time away from a relationship creates an imbalance and, puts the other person in a codependent position of accommodating their hobby. Relationships should be about meeting close to the middle when it comes to needs. At the same time, there is a level of contact which might be suitable for exes. Then after a few months, he moves on to the next thing. Im happy he loves his hobby & yes he told me he still loves me but come on husbands,make time for your spouse too! But over the last few months it as, if weve been out once a week im lucky. I could have done better getting involved in her passion for her hobbies but was physically and emotionally drained by my work and the conflict in our marriage. The solution is to talk to them and if that doesnt work try to distance from them. I have spent the last 15 years waiting on him every weekend to do things with our family and I finally thought we could do that and this made me realize that he is not going to change. Hes done this before with other thingsbut the 3d printer has been the worst offender. In my head Im thinking REALLY?? he gets home when Im ready to go to bed. His reaction to seeing another guy act like a father to his children or a husband to his ex-wife could trigger feelings of intense and dark jealousy. Im in a similar situation but with drones/quads taking over my husbands life. Hes home around 730 8..which is really late. They are scared of losing your attention to someone else, and in most cases, they are scared that they are not good enough or unloveable. I think what upsets me most is that he is out having fun with people that are half his age. If your ex-partner is exhibiting BPD and you can clearly see these signs, it is advised to seek professional help as soon as possible because that might be his only option. Does your spouse have an all-consuming hobby? I feel my boyfriend is obsessed with his 9years old son 4 answers / Last post: 02/01/2016 at 9:03 am Anonymous 02/01/2016 at 8:00 am My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and live together. He does pretty much what he wants and occasionally Im included in his plans. We have come to a very difficult impass and I am hoping you can reach out to her or just pray for us. I want to do other things with my free time since during the school year I dont have a lot of it but he is just obsessed. Over the years, the hunting transitioned into a very real addiction that opened the door to lies and very damaging choices: outrageous spending, bankruptcy, secret purchases for guns, a Kowasaki mule that was explained away as a first-place hunting contest prize. His face lights up when he hears another woman talking bike talk . I think women put up with way too much. All of this has been very intresting reading for me. The mother has been meal as well but also can be nice when she wants and will just try to be the kids things all the time. Did you enjoy this article on obsessive ex syndrome? How to Manage Teenage Relationships - Serious Adolescent Dating They are all 20-25 without kids and families and he is pushing 40. him here Not the life Id hoped for Im 71 now and not starting over. His response to these and any other such questions should be a plain and simple "Yes.".