Does it make me worse off because I paid for my pager whereas my mother paid for her cell phone? I dont understand how thats fair, and Im (obviously) still better. But if she has student loan debt then it would be perfectly reasonable for them to pay for some of it, especially in light of the money they are apparently lavishing on the younger siblings. My older brother was the charmer. January 31, 2012, 6:23 pm. As an officers wife, shes travelled a lot and lived in some pretty neat places and is financially stable. I even made a friend group on online school, but i secretly don`t like any of these kids that i made freidns with because they are all nerds. We would have if we could have. I certainly dont begrudge my little brother any of these things. Kindness pays off! The three of us older siblings sometimes marvel at how different his life is. He tells me stories about only getting two shirts a year and having to rotate them and getting made fun of at school. You definitely enjoy things so much more when you dont have as much I see my 4 year old that is SO spoiled (not by us, by my parents, esp., who as well are doing a lot better now than when I was growing up), and it really pisses me off. Though Im financially stable and dont need anything from my parents, the financial favouritism theyve shown my siblings does grate on me. , LW, I think its also important to recognize that parents often fill the needs that they see for their children, recognizing that kids are different, and need different things, and the circumstances in which they are raised are also different. You Love My Brother More than Me | Psychology Today Constructive criticism coming from a place of love is one thing, but a sign your sister is jealous of you could be that she intentionally makes you feel bad about yourself, instead of dealing. Conversely, once a child is grown, it becomes their responsiblity to take care of their parents. There are likely some core messages you are getting from your family experiences . Is inequality always a sign of sibling favoritism? Youre a grown up, youre on your own now. But thats not fair to them, because the message they were getting from me was I dont need you to do anything, Im fine on my own.. Im too proud to just ask for money, but I wish my mom hadnt told me that they just got this pile of money because now Im resenting them for it, especially since my brothers have every game console known to man, the new iPhones, and the cherry on the cake now art lessons. Ask your parents for advice they seem to know how to make it. Sit down with a financial advisor. The act of not knowing whats inside and then opening it is just plain fun. I have absolutely nothing to add at the moment (pending comments on additional comments). After all, they were a lot worse off financially when they were your age than you and your husband. Were there extenuating circumstances? Only thing that comes to mind is running away because home doesnt feel peaceful and i feel like everytime i fucking step into my house Im stepping into a battlefield, trying to be careful with every little word I say. And shes going to Paris next semester. My mom paid for a pretty good amount of my expenses, too, but the difference is I WORKED. When I was 7 my mom married a really nice guy who has been able to provide a much better life for us. I think this is one of those things we have to go through to separate the image we hold of our parents and the imperfect beings they areone of the stages of growing up, if you ask me. But thats the way of the world. Hi Sad Sister Situation, First of all, I FEEL YOU. But then other times he will tell me that I am a lazy, selfish ********(<-place any bad word you would like in the starred space). The other day she filled a big bag with clothes- And my brother had a phone when he was 12, now my little sister is going to get one, so why won`t i get one? Cookie Notice My parents bought a (small) vacation home when I was a junior in college and then didnt support me at all through college. 4. They may be in a position to do things for you now, but youre no longer a child and you dont get a second chance at a childhood any more than they get another chance at raising you. Your parents raised you as best they could with what they had and now theyre raising your brothers as best they can with what they have. I was, and continue to be, pretty damn independent. Posted April 10, 2015. She does have some redeeming qualities, but she can really piss me off too. You cant have it both ways. I hate adualts because they think i am traumatized about what happened to me, but i honestly don`t care. Speak up. parents - Page 2 - Dork Diaries The LW understands that theres a difference between her and her sibs on a rational level, but deep down inside the irrational little kid just complains when it looks like theres a double-standard. Yes, now they get to provide opportunities for your younger brothers that they couldnt for you, but again, that doesnt mean they owe you anything. The other two boys get a box apiece and a gift card ($100/ea). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. she said "(sister) 9. Ask them for help because it seems like they may be in a place to give it; ask because you think they would want to help you make your life a little easier; ask because youre family and families help each other through difficult times. I would have to be pretty damn broke to ask for money, and even then, Id probably ask anyone else before Id go to my parents. What's Up with My Parents Giving My Sisters Special Treatment? my sis is very gentle with my LO even if she does something naughty, like pull the dogs tail, and i hate having to discipline her in front of my sis because i feel like it makes my daughter like my sis even more!! More posts in "October 2010 Birth Club" group, Create post in "October 2010 Birth Club" group, the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and parenting information. Umm.yeah. It came to a head (in my head) a couple of weeks ago when we were having dinner over at their place and they mentioned they were going to start my older younger brother in private art lessons. My mom is all proud about it so when we are with her I let her "run the show". Money your parents earn is theirs to spend however they want. Reddit, Inc. 2023. *If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at we***@de*******.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter. Unloved Daughters and Their Siblings: Five Common Patterns Sometimes the child who gets the least monetary support isnt the least loved one its just the one that the parents have confidence will be able to succeed on your own.. When you have a baby, he or she will spoiled rotten. PARIS. The younger daughter, still a poor grad student, gets some financial help from us and a new car. But he doesn`t even know what he is talking about, I wish i could put my dad in my situation so he could just shut up. Are you owed anything? its because you never shut up" On my birthday last year my dad took my sister and little brother to Oahu (the main island of Hawaii, like LA but smaller) and i stayed at home it didn't really hurt me until i realized that that was the trip that he was talking about taking me on for my birthday. Then I tried ignoring her, she comes to me and says Im useless sometimes. I, too am secretly hoping that someone really rich writes me into their will! 8. January 31, 2012, 3:37 pm. I dont even think I want it anymore cause I just wanted something . Shes 11 hours away and I cant deal with the drama of her former, unreliable, car. Yes, because we can, now. And dad is always calling me selfish and comparing me to EVERYONE, people on the news, the neighbors, my brother and sister. Sometimes the child who gets the least monetary support isnt the least loved one its just the one that the parents have confidence will be able to succeed on your own. Meanwhile, seems like Im in the wrong line of work30 grand Christmas bonus?! It isnt about what they are doing for the younger kids it is that you feel slighted about what they didnt do for you. But make sure youre asking them for help for the right reasons. Clothes bought more than twice a year, going out to eat, lessons and activities, etc. If you think your siblings are spoiled, tell you parents (nicely of course). I think shes applied for a total of 3 jobs in her life. Wrap some of her toys with newspaper and have her try to guess which it is. I mean they have two other kids so it wouldn't be a big loss if they lost one. I dont know where they got all this money, and it sort of bothers me to see how different my dads lifestyle is from how mine was growing up. And Im ashamed of feeling this way, so I dont want to talk about it to anyone who knows me. She's spent a lot of time hating someone very close to her, and now she's bitterly ashamed of herself. My sister was content to sit around all day not doing much while I had the energy of "10 extra kids." Im struggling financially since my husband and I are really just starting out in our careers. Its an indication that opening things wrapped so you cant see whats inside is really fun and can make you impatient to find out what it is. Just dont forget to budget in advance for the monthly data charges.. I know its hard, and I know its really awkward, but Im sure your parents would much rather give you something you really need and want. P.S. I could barely keep my eyes open as I looked around. It really is funny the things we choose to hold on to. But if you've always felt like you become your worst self when you're back at home, your family could be treading on toxic territory. While there may be many reasons your family dynamics are what they are, none of this diminishes the pain you feel. I would strongly, strongly advise you to let it go. I was kind of bitter about it for a while, but then I realized I can be bitter or I can have a good relationship with my (flawed but human) parents. I agree with not stressing out over college. My Mom Loves My Sister More Than Me, And It Has Damaged - Scary Mommy But if you want to ask for their help just to even the playing field or ease your resentment then you shouldnt. Parent do owe their kids something. I too have a big age gap in siblings (3 older from first marriage, 2 younger from second marriage). Fear of being let down or shamed profits you nothing swallow the pride and share it with your family. It was because they were asking for things. 2. I was sexually abused and my dad tells me that everything is my fault for not telling the woman who interviewed me every single detail. Yes, some days, this gets under my skin, especially now that hes in college 2.5 hours away and they haul out there for every home football game to see his band play at halftime (and they dont like football at all). They retired right when I graduated from high school and right before my brother started he used to get stuff like his lunches delivered to him 10m before his lunch period started so that it would be fresh. Ill try to remember American Dad as I bite my tongue! All my life, my older sister have made my life a living hell only because my parents love me more. And she sends Jake 3 boxes minimum. But they also let me and my sister know that once we got married we were completely on our own financially speaking. However, remember that your dad did catch your eye and apologize, so he is aware of the gap and feels bad about it, and probably wishes he could do more. But all of them got most of their college educations paid for, and Im proud of and love them all equally. They helped her older sister and younger brother out a lot more than her. i just feel like i'm trying to pump a flat tire. It's not that i think that my parents don't love me, it's that they just don't like me. It can involve biological siblings, but it . Already wrapping the first one I knew it cost more than the two I got. One adult daughter, now estranged from her mother, recounted that when her brother confessed that he'd had coffee with his sister, their mother hung up the phone. I do not find it whiny or selfish or entitled of her to, to herself and to this forum, admit that she feels slighted. So instead of assuming you know how they would react if you asked for help, just swallow your pride and ask. I did OK for myself. Nopeno more than what you already received which, as Wendy says, is more than what a lot of children get. Those are no small lessons to learnmore people could learn those lessons, to be sure. Its not fair. Sue me. Ive told my parents to stop coddling me and theyre like did your sister put you up to this? (Note: nothing Im saying applies to truly abusive or entirely absent parents). This is her story. It was because the mother has some of the same issues but is not dealing with them. She said basically that if I ever needed help I should know theyd be there for me in anyway that they could, but they I had my act together so it didnt ever seem like I needed it. 25 years ago, I wouldnt have received all they have even if they could afford it. Wow, I am apparently on an entirely different wavelength than everyone here. I did add that I am very happy for them, but it isnt fair to keep bringing it up since the only response I have is, yup, Im still poor. It hasnt stopped it entirely, but it has toned it down so I can begin to enjoy my family again instead of letting this drive a wedge between us. And so, it seems does the LW. My brother probably would have gotten those things another day anyway if it werent for his birthday. Let your parents know how you feel. Im glad you feel better about it, but I just wanted to say that I empathize, so so much, with your initial reaction. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth. My sister never got the guilt trip. I try so hard to make my parents like me but they just dont care when i do ANYTHING GOOD but they care so much when i do something bad. My Parents Love My Sister More Than Me - YouTube Not like food stamp struggling, but I have a lot of student loans with no job yet, and my husband got really sick last year (like go to the mayo clinic sick). December 8th, 2016 at 7:17 AM Next time they come home yelling at you and calling you an ahole because of your responses to them, tell them that you are simply trying to be like them. If you need help, ask.